Disemboweled in a duel after a rival samurai disrespected your daimyo and you demanded satisfaction.

Chopped up by barbarians while defending the princess even though she was an asshole to you all the time.

Killed by a Warriors-esque street gang while protecting your family on the subway.

Held a vicious enemy off to buy time for everyone else to escape.

Killed fighting for the rights of a minority group. Everyone deserves an equal chance.

Accidentally succumbed to your own scientific discovery that later proved fatal (i.e. radium or marshmallows).

Bayoneted defending your buddy next to you in the foxhole.

Laser burned in a doomed attack on a bunker.

Died like a normal person from cancer or being fat.

Died like a normal person in an accident while still wearing your pants.

Died like a normal person in an accident but your pants were sort of half off and one hand was near your genitals.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.