Disemboweled in a duel after a rival samurai disrespected your daimyo and you demanded satisfaction.
Chopped up by barbarians while defending the princess even though she was an asshole to you all the time.
Killed by a Warriors-esque street gang while protecting your family on the subway.
Held a vicious enemy off to buy time for everyone else to escape.
Killed fighting for the rights of a minority group. Everyone deserves an equal chance.
Accidentally succumbed to your own scientific discovery that later proved fatal (i.e. radium or marshmallows).
Bayoneted defending your buddy next to you in the foxhole.
Laser burned in a doomed attack on a bunker.
Died like a normal person from cancer or being fat.
Died like a normal person in an accident while still wearing your pants.
Died like a normal person in an accident but your pants were sort of half off and one hand was near your genitals.
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.