This article is part of the The Great Authors Series series.



Whurp Derbal sprawled in the psychotronic detector, her sexy body wearing a US Flag Print Nylon Trico Ruched Front Tube Bra. Tubes like the tubes of the psychotronic detector that pulsed with psychophene as Hetter McPheev operated the machine's dials.

A whirring sound filled the room. He looked through the glass at the woman writhing around like a worm.

"No more nutrient bars until you talk to us, Derbal," said McPheev. "Where is President Hankem?"

"I don't know anything!" cried Derbal.

McPheev checked Derbal's psychic spectrum on the device. Indigo waves radiated from the sexy bombshell's body. It meant she was lying.

"You're lying," said McPheev.

"Prove it!" screamed Derbal as another blast of psychotronic particles emerged from the injector dish and slashed across her USA flag pants.

Perhaps, smiled McPheev, in time you will be the one to prove it.




The black pods of the attacking Death Destroyers pierced the atmosphere. Behind the controls of one of the leading capsules, Climm Zo'vanski readied his chaos beam gun. The charge tube was full and all of the safeties were switched into the off position.

For comfort, Climm wore the white shirt and purple thermal leggings of the Death Destroyer's Men's Baby Rib Long Underwear.

Climm thought about his favorite rock and roll song, as sung on Regulus 4 by Yoot Gansby. It was called "Rock and Roll Around the Day" and it made Climm feel very homosexual for the other Death Destroyers.

Being a homosexual was a part of joining the evil Ganymede storm soldiers. The rock and roll just made it all that much easier.

"Spread out in attack formation!" commanded High Warlord McPheev. "We will make the Earthioids suffer for what they have done."

McPheev slammed his fist into the psychotronic scopes.

Far below, nearly on the planet's surface, Climm Zo'vanski was about to be a statistic of warfare on McPheev's screens. The Death Destroyers were finally meeting their match in Truk Mestro and the Outlaw Apaches power bikers.



Zack is the author of the new short story collection Wages: Future Tales of a Hired Gun, a blood-soaked satire of private military contracting. He is also the author of the genre-hopping novel Liminal States, soon to be available as an audiobook. You can find out more about Zack's latest projects and special offers on his Facebook page.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

About this series

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.