Thank you for purchasing Words Of Warquest, the world's first Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Text Adventure Game! If you enjoy this product keep in mind that our first game, Inactive Fiction, is still available in fine software stores everywhere. Please wait while you connect to the server for the first time ...
Downloading Latest Patch (86mb) ...
Welcome to the kingdom of Gen'Aeric, a once-peaceful land of beauty and mysterious creatures which has been thrown into chaos by a spring with unseasonably cool weather. In these dangerous times of delightful breezes and long sleeved shirts, a hero is needed to bring this shattered kingdom back to its former glory. Also, there's an important magical crystal involved and maybe some orcs.
What is your name, hero?
>The Honorable Harold T. Stone
What race are you? (Elf, Dark Elf, Light Elf, Tall Elf, Magical Elf, Normal Elf)
What class best describes you? (Ranger, Archer, Bow And Arrow Guy, Arrow Shooter)
Character creation complete! You are:
Th - A normal elf bow and arrow guy.
Incorrect syntax, immersion ruined. (Hint: think about your settings and the way people would speak)
>ye olde help
What do you need help with?
>ye olde name isth too shorte
Player names are restricted to two characters in order to avoid offensive words or phrases and keep the sense of immersion intact. Thank you for understanding.
>why canneth thou speaketh normally?
You have reached your limit of one help question per day. Your permament character has been created and bound to your game account for good. Are you ready to enter the world of Gen'Aeric?
Incorrect syntax, immersion ruined.
You are standing in a dusty field. To your right is a BLACKSMITH SHOP and to your left is a ROAD that leads into the heart of the woods which surround this field. There are some rather large SPIDERS wandering around the field.
>enter blacksmith shop
You attempt to enter the BLACKSMITH SHOP but are too weak to turn the doorknob. Come back when you have reached level 4.
>find other players
There are no other players nearby. Suddenly, a SAVAGE SPIDER attacks!
>fight savage spider
You fight the SAVAGE SPIDER for a while.
>Did I win?
You have defeated a SAVAGE SPIDER! Wow!
You gain 4xp! (996xp needed to reach level 2)
You loot the SAVAGE SPIDER's tiny corpse and find:
2 gold pieces
1 Foeslayer Longsword
Your class cannot equip that. Sell it to the blacksmith to buy much-needed armor and bow upgrades.
You attempt to follow the ROAD into the heart of the wondrous enchanted forest, but there is a piece of TUMBLEWEED about the size of a cat right in the center of the ROAD.
>jump over tumbleweed
You cannot jump over TUMBLWEED!
>walk around tumbleweed
You cannot walk around TUMBLEWEED until you gain that ability at level 4.
You unleash a flurry of arrows, punches, kicks, and pokes but your actions prove futile as the TUMBLEWEED remains unharmed.
>shout "Iseth anyone elseth arounde?
A player named Darkbane Dragonfiresoul (level 3 human swordsman) approaches.
>say "Hey, how did you get a long name and pick that race/class? It only let me choose to be some sort of elf ranger."
>say "Ye olde hey. How did you get a long name and ye olde race/class? It only let me choose to be some sort of elfeth ranger."
Darkbane Dragonfiresoul casts away his cloak and reveals himself to be a CLEVER SPIDER, not a player at all!
CLEVER SPIDER attacks!
While you take an eternity to decide what to do, CLEVER SPIDER beats you senseless. You have lost all of your health. As you lay motionless, CLEVER SPIDER succumbs to a CHEST COLD that's been bothering him for weeks.
CHEST COLD gains 15xp!
CHEST COLD has reached level 4!
The CHEST COLD uses its newfound power to walk around the TUMBLEWEED and disappear into the heart of the forest which is possibly full of naked pixies.
Elves don't stand up after they get killed by clever spiders in real life, that would ruin the immersion. You must wait nine more minutes before standing.
>this is bullshit
A RAPE SPIDER approaches!
It's your duty to please this link's booty. Don't ask me what that means.
Ernest Cline, writer of Ready Player One, shares his newest poem.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.