INT. BLOOD AND CORPSE FILLED LATRINE - DAY
Indiana Jones, clutching at the huge open wound in his stomach, crawls through the filth-channel of shit and piss, trying not to cry out in fear and pain as the men searching for him thump around on the floor above him. He can hear the men talking about a woman. Several heads float past in the blood/shit mixture.
Indiana Jones sees a Japanese dog tag atop a pile of gore-covered skulls. He stops to examine it carefully.
EXT. COLLAPSING PLATFORM OF ANCIENT JAPANESE TEMPLE - DAY
Indy finishes off the last of the Nazis and their lunatic henchmen by cutting their throats. He quickly unties MARION RAVENWOOD. They hug each other briefly.
MARION RAVENWOODWe have to get out of here before Doctor Herzog returns.
INDIANA JONESI need to find another one of these diaries.
MARION RAVENWOODWhat do the diaries say? Some sort of clue?
(following behind Indy as he double-jumps up a cliff and zip-line climbs into a hut)
INDIANA JONESI don't know yet. It's weird, they're all written by different people and the diaries are full books that only contain a few sentences. It's like whoever wrote them was insane.
MARION RAVENWOODMaybe it's all one person.
INDIANA JONESI think it's the same people who have been leaving these weird GPS markers everywhere. I--
A lunatic with two machetes yells and jumps out from behind a cabinet door.
EXT. DISTRESSED DIESELPUNK PUZZLE CITY HIGH IN THE MOUNTAINS - DAY
MARCUS BRODY is impaled on a pipe, gurgling as he slowly dies. Flames creep ever closer to the panicked Marion Ravenwood who is tied to a stake. DOCTOR HERZOG stomps forward in his crude uniform festooned with grisly trophies. He is laughing beneath his human skin hood. Indiana Jones faces him down.
INDIANA JONESIt's over, Herzog. I've butchered my way through your thousands of henchmen on this tiny forgotten island. I've mastered these weapons. Now I'm going to waste you really painfully for all of my friends you have killed.
DOCTOR HERZOGAre you certain, Doctor Jones? But how can you kill a man...
Doctor Herzog reaches up to the human skin mask and grabs it in his hand.
DOCTOR HERZOG...that has sipped from the Holy Grail.
Doctor Herzog pulls off the mask revealing that it is PROFESSOR HENRY JONES.
INDIANA JONESDad!? You're Doctor Herzog?
DOCTOR HERZOGNo longer. Now I am a god!
Indy engages in a gun-fu firefight chase up a burning bridge. He ultimately defeats his father by stunning him with shotgun blasts and stuffing his pockets full of dynamite. The blast reduces Indy's father to a pair of separated legs that fall in opposite directions. Indy slumps against the nearby wall and pukes.
CREDITS as Indy and Marion Ravenwood wave to a Coast Guard rescue plane.
Star Wars fan speculation has been swirling about the source of female ejaculation. The answers might finally be coming with the Last Jedi.
Lean in close to your screen. Inhale deeply. Does this guide give off a cloyingly sour odor? Then it is likely the genuine article.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.