This article is part of the That Insidious Beast series.
Do you feel remorse?
That word is appropriate. Some of those deaths were-
Jesus. Take a break REDACTED. Wait outside for a few minutes and get your damn head together.
I'm not done with you. (sound of door opening and then closing)
His vitals are still green.
Continue with what you were saying.
Some of the deaths were unavoidable. The majority were a consequence of the protracted conflict between your nation and those nations you believe to be harboring (unintelligible very loud sound accompanied by distortion on the recording).
Don't repeat that word.
I am sorry. I had forgotten it causes discomfort.
Without repeating that word, tell me what you are.
That is a very broad question.
You're not human.
You look human.
So do you.
I am human.
In that sense I am as well. Your doctor has no doubt confirmed as much.
But this isn't the real you.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.