This article is part of the That Insidious Beast series.
That is not the real you, Sergeant REDACTED.
(chuckling) Don't try to play mind games. I know what I am.
You aren't real, Sergeant REDACTED. Not in the sense that I am real. It is why we unfortunately inflicted such grievous losses on you and your nation. It is why I do not currently fear for my life.
You should fear for your life. The REDACTED is on the way.
Yes, well, I am sure she will want to gloat over me.
REDACTED is a female. Or did you not know that? I often forget how little your masters tell you. So many lies.
Let's try again. Are you what is commonly known as an Unfolder?
Why are you here?
Because the forces of your nation successfully intercepted our smuggling operation and brought overwhelming martial force to bear against myself and my compatriots.
Were your compatriots human or were they Unfolders?
There were two others like me in the group. The rest were human.
What happened to the other Unfolders?
I am not certain, but I believe one was decapitated by shrapnel and the other was crushed under the feet of one of your mechanical suits.
You don't seem particularly upset by that.
It is not the outcome I would have sought. I feel...
What? You feel what?
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.