This article is part of the That Insidious Beast series.
Magnumpi contacts his old friends TC and _____ from the war. They have a good conversation and some laughs over beers and burgers. _____ is trying to _______ with a woman he just met, but Magnumpi ignores this and continues a conversation with TC on the subject of China.
Chinese eaters have been spotted on Hawaii island and the zone wardens are unusually active. Sunken eyes and smelling of the sea says TC. Magnumpi doesn't believe him and goes surfing and he finds a beautiful woman who turns out to be Chinese. Rather than report her to one of the zone wardens Magnumpi takes her to stay at Higgins castle.
Are you a Chinese eater? He asks.
She doesn't understand so he shows her a health clip on Chinese eaters on the TV infodot. She begins to cry and refuses to accept the information on Chinese eaters.
You ARE a Chinese eater! Magnumpi fumes and is ready to call the zone wardens but she shows him a tattoo from a medcenter in district 20. This is where the Armor Corps is experimenting with new suit interface technology. Bioroid suits they call them. Half-alive armored suits made from cloned tissue.
Magnumpi discovers that the bioroids are being made by a company working for Armor Corps and trying to develop better suits from Chinese organ slaves. They will eat themselves anyway says one doctor they are meat mad freaks. When one of them dies the others eat them.
She's not from the Eastern Sheol! Magnumpi shouts. _____ thinks Magnumpi should _____ with the Chinese woman. TC thinks Magnumpi should turn her over to the zone wardens. Higgins stops by and tells Magnumpi that Chinese eaters might be meat mad but they are still human. He knows of an underground railroad for Chinese eaters. He can get her to Oregon and the safety of The Sensationists if only Magnumpi can trust him.
Conflicted about what to do Magnumpi retires to his darkened bedroom with the Chinese woman. Sexual intercourse is implied. Following the sexual intercourse Magnumpi snaps her neck saying We all die sometime better this way. Magnumpi loads her body into his Ferrarocaster and throws her off a cliff and into the ocean.
The final shot is of tiny silver fish eating her eyes.
The most beautiful woman on all of Facebook is no longer just enchanting your Facebook feed. She's here, y'all!
These sponges will make your hair WHITE and your teeth CURLY.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.