Since 1994, the Internet Discount Barn has been our HOTTEST source for the HOTTEST deals on the net! We've got the HOTTEST merchandise at the HOTTEST prices, and we deliver it fresh from our HOT ALL-BRICK BARGAIN OVEN in thirty minutes or less! Please peruse our Winter/Spring 2008 catalog for our latest amazing deals! Don't let these deals catch you with your pants down, people! Our prices aim to humiliate, and they never stop 'til they get their way!
Piping hot from the lab to your plate! These cheeseburgers are two delicious for the boundaries of traditional Euclidian geometry& their beefy goodness extends past human understanding and into an unexplored netherworld of flavor! Just eat the cheeseburger as usual. When you're almost done, rotate it facewise-diagonal (may take a few tries) until more cheeseburger spills forth, seemingly from nowhere& a kaleidoscopic tesseract of beef now waits in your hungry hands! We have no idea how they work, but they sure are tasty! Take it from us: they pose grave health dangers. Yow! Fifty bucks a case!
ACT NOW: While supplies last, each case of 4D Burgers comes with a FREE pack of Möbius dogs - The very finest in one-sided wieners! Their baffling topography hides a robust all-beef flavor. Rotate it all you want, but you shall never know where the deliciousness begins or ends!
'Baby Whoopsies' VHS Cassettes
Now-defunct video company Funtime Wonders thought it would be a great idea to teach babies to be less accident-prone by showing them tapes of infants being injured. Includes shaky educational footage of babies falling from great heights, babies smothering in tarpaulins, baby electrocutions and more. Real? Fake? Staged? We don't want to know! Does it work? Verifiably not! These hot items had scarcely hit the shelves when dozens of watchdog groups and pediatricians practically tripped over each other to debunk the awful things. Now we're selling them to YOU at ROCK-BOTTOM prices! We don't know what you might use these tapes for, and we don't care! Twisted amusement? Your business! Attack dog training? Don't bore us with your hollow justifications. Buy now, make peace with God later. We offer no absolution, monster, only BARGAINS!
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.