This article is part of the They Came From the Kindle series.


Bride of the Centaur

By Clea Kenderton

As part of a deal with a neighboring tribe of centaurs, a human village dumps off their unwated virgins to become brides of the centaur tribe. It's a safe bet these "brides" aren't headed for a honeymoon in Hawaii.

18-year-old virgin Fiedrah winds up married to handsome centaur Anult. He has a barren centaur wife, but he wants to start a family, which is where Fiedrah comes in.

I've never watched a horse being born, so I don't know if a horse could come out of a woman, but I've seen newly born horses, and they're way too big to fit in a woman. Also, is a centaur born with a newborn horse sized body and then a little teeny tiny human torso and head? I guess we'll never know, because this is just Bride of the Centaur not Mom of the Centaur.

Centaur Logistics

Bride of the Centaurs is not a romance, it is smut, and the mechanical aspect of sex with a horse creature is described in great detail. Clea Kenderton put a lot of thought into how this works, including devising a contraption the woman can climb into so that the centaur can have sex with her.

Two centaurs were dragging a wooden object into the center of the circle. I couldn't tell for certain whether it was a statue, a small platform, or a large stool. The legs and lower half of the stool were an accurate representation of the lower half of a horse, but the top was flat like a bench. Sturdy wooden handles projected from the shoulders of the horse's front legs and another smaller pair projected from the horse's sides.

The sex part happens while all the other centaurs are watching, something of a recurring theme in centaur porn.

Classic Kindle line:

(Upon seeing the centaurs for the first time)

Every one of them was handsome to some degree, by virtue of living a life of strenuous exertion and fearless bravery, but one in particular was so beautiful that I felt ashamed when he looked at me and had to turn my head away.

See, even virgin sacrifices about to be raped by a penis the size of a log can have a meet cute.

What reviewers say:


Also from this author: Sexy Slutty Spying Stepsister Gangbang 5

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

About this series

An exploration of the unusual, unpleasant, and downright awful things available on Amazon's Kindle store.

Other articles in this series

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.