This article is part of the They Came From the Kindle series.
Bred by the Centaurs
By Jessi Bond
Before people get up in arms over the next Amazon rape t-shirt they might want to swing by the Kindle centaurs, because these guys are seriously up to no good.
In Bred by the Centaurs, a honeymoon in Greece goes wrong (or right???) for Sarah when she happens upon a horny bunch of centaurs and gets gangbanged. She is pretty much asking for it because her new husband, Jared, fails to sexually satisfy her when he refuses to eat his own semen from her vagina.
Did this turn into a thing when I wasn't paying attention? Do women go around quietly holding in the rage they feel for men not doing this? Because if so I have a feeling there are a lot of Sarahs out there cruising for centaurs to do them right.
Lucky for Sarah and Jared, things turn out just fine in the end, because after a gang of centaurs put a baby horse in Sarah, Jared overcomes his aversion to eating pudding without a spoon and chows down on a gravy boat made of meat. Lady meat. And horse gravy.
Classic Kindle line:
The centaur chuckled. "Too proud to eat his own essence out of you? For shame. He doesn't sound like much of a man to me."
Yeah, okay buddy, you're literally not a man, so don't go kicking your water bucket around the glass paddock.
What reviewers say:
Hi, me name am Shelby Villar and me bought book about centaur gangbanging woman and there not enough story about eat a sperm for my discerning taste not a rip off.
Also from this author: Bred by the Yeti
Don't expect me to bust out a story about a positive gym experience. My sole purpose is to tell you which hellish gyms to stay away from. My head is a lump of dough. It is comprised of water, yeast, and flour.
Classic pick up lines for the sleazebag who tends to overthink things.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.