You won't have to wait until next Wednesday to find out what's going to happen on the next episode of South Park; thanks to our super-secret Hollywood connections, Something Awful has secured the first three pages of what will surely be another award-winning adventure in social commentary. Matt Stone and Trey Parker-you masters of American satire-we salute you!
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.