The goats, who never formally established contact with the dogs, will cut off all contact with the outside world. After a year of silence, their golden pyramid colonies will simultaneously begin rising into the sky on pillars of light. The goats understand what the dogs do not: all sentient life on earth will mysteriously disappear. The goats are bound for zeta reticuli in their pyramidal ark-ships.
The dogs are astonished, but soon return to their business of digging in the yards and snacking on bunghole. Dogs have real problems to worry about, like prices and stocks.
Dog industry continues to grow. Dogs have an insatiable hunger for fossil fuels. They hunger for more. And bungholes: each other's and their own. As the population of dogs becomes increasingly urban the number of dog drivers grows dramatically.
Sleeping with AC is at this point a basic human right. But if you're one of the doomed souls forced to deal with global warming on a nightly basis, here's an hourly breakdown on how to get the most out of your inferno hellscape of a bedroom.
Some of the Internet's most veteran anatomy experts convened to discuss the stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and other beautiful celebrities.
We're spelunking through the movie catacombs this week. Join us, won't you?
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.