No cyborgs, but there is a Holocaust somewhere nearby. I wrote my first novel in the sixth grade. It was terrible, completely stream-of-consciousness, horse droppings about cyborgs and fusion bombs and the end of the world. I remember writing it with my fingers down at the very tip of a pencil, just behind the lead, until my hand cramped up. I dumped out 100,000 meaningless words that no one would ever read before giving up at around page 300. It was a mania that left me only briefly. I would attempt the same feat again and again over the next decade.
The urge to write the Great American Cyborg Holocaust Novel was finally suppressed by a demanding schedule as a comedy writer. It was a self-imposed schedule at first as I labored away on my own site, geistmag.com. It was a dark comedy site parodying the news and pop-culture. That site proved to be a modest success, but it was not until I was asked to write for Something Awful way back in 2001 that I truly had an audience.
Since then I have written about a thousand articles for Something Awful. Most of them are okay, some of them are rotten and there are maybe 100 or 150 that gave me some fleeting sense of pride. I’m probably not the funniest or best writer here, but I pride myself on being reliable and hard-working. I’ll get my fingers down to the very tip of that pencil and churn out another 100,000 meaningless words, if that’s what it takes.
Imagine my surprise, then, when Kensington Publishing approached me in early 2005 with the idea of writing a book. I fought my temptation to write yet another failed cyborg apocalypse novel and I suggested that I could put together a book based on one of the more popular series of articles I had written. That series of articles began with one titled “My Tank is Fight” and each article was devoted to detailing three strange inventions of the Second World War. Incredibly, Kensington was willing to give that concept a shot.
It has been a year since that project began and I am excited to announce that my book is now available for pre-order.
My Tank is Fight! Now Available for Pre-order!
I am pleased, and a bit nervous, to announce that My Tank is Fight! is now available for pre-order from Amazon.com. Who the hell pre-orders a book? You, hopefully! Every pre-ordered copy of My Tank is Fight! boosts our sales stats through Amazon and will increase the exposure the book receives. I’m not expecting a number one seller from this book, but I’d sure like to beat out “A Grandmother’s Guide to Fonts and Borders”.
My Tank is Fight! is a humorous pulp-history look at more than 20 unusual or insane inventions of the Second World War. Each chapter features a detailed examination of the real history and technology behind each invention and all 19 chapters are linked by fictional narratives. The book is also lavishly illustrated, with 18 full-color illustrations by Josh Hass, and more than two dozen detailed black and white illustrations by Mike Doscher. My Tank is Fight! is not a dry analysis of the forgotten weapons of war, it brings those weapons to life.
My Tank is Fight! will be released on October 3rd and is available for preorder through Amazon.com. Amazon ships internationally so you foreigners should have no problem ordering a copy.
Please show your support and order the ultimate bathroom book for war junkies. My Tank is Fight! is also a great gift for:
Remember, pre-order your 20 copies today! Now I’m going to stick that link in here a few more times because I don’t think I have included it enough:
- People who like tanks
- People who like airplanes
- People who like Hitler
- No, not that sort of people who like Hitler
- Single moms
- Single dads
- Single Hitlers
Thank you for supporting me, Something Awful, and my book! Get the word out!
If you have enjoyed much of anything I’ve written over the past five years, please do me a favor and pre-order a copy of my book. It’s not very expensive, I think you’ll probably enjoy it and good pre-release sales might just mean that you’ll one day see that cyborg Armageddon novel I’ve been threatening all of these years.
The Remains of Bidet (James Ivory, 1993)
We might find we have more in common than we think if we just stop fighting long enough to combine our bodies into a singular organism.
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