Hi there, it's me. Joseph "Maxnmona" Fink here. So after a little over three years writing for this site I've decided to quit for a variety of reasons. For one thing, I've been spending most of my time tending to my muscled body and my perfectly tousled hair. Actually that's the only reason. My pecs are the size of two puppies strapped to my chest. My teeth are like a military cemetery.
Because I'm leaving, I thought I would write a goodbye article in which I talked a little about writing for this site, and also provide conclusions to some of the various series (How do you do the plural of "series"? Serieses? Seri?) that I've started over the years.
Before I get into our short trip down memory lane, let me go back to some articles I wrote right when I started. Philosophy Sunday was a series that I created my first year writing for the site, and it is still one of the more popular ones I've done. I got a lot of emails asking me to continue it, but unfortunately I had completely run out of philosophers that I knew enough about to make fun of, so the series had to be cancelled due to a lack of education on my part.
Here are links to the original articles:
Philosophy Sunday: Dudes. Are they bad enough?
Philosophy Sunday: Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?
Philosophy Sunday: Riding Dirty. Passing Trend, Or Here To Stay? (My favorite of the four.)
Philosophy Sunday: The Transformers Movie. Cool or not?
And now, the stunning conclusion to Philosophy Sunday:
|"The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. Some people have class, and some people don't, and struggle to become classy. Say, for instance, they've got really difficult to manage hair, and grow a giant mondo beard at the drop of a hat. And say that due to the combination of hair that just doesn't seem to respond to any product on the market, and a tendency to sit at home formulating theories for the betterment of mankind, I have never had a real girlfriend.|
Well, all that's going to change, because I bought an entire tray of shots and I'm giving them out for free until someone gives it out to me. *sings* All you single ladies, all you single ladies. All you single ladies, all you single ladies."
|"I think there's been some misunderstandings about me. I love gay people. Gay people are awesome. I mean, when's the last time you've heard of a gay guy mugging someone? Think about it. Like, have you ever heard of that happening? I haven't. Have you? Think about it."|
|"1. Why, sure, I'll write comedy article with plenty of time to spare, giving me time to edit and prevent any last minute problems. Oh no, you don't need to pay me anything.|
2. Hmmm...I'll write one at last minute, slipping in and out of an incoherent dream language. But you better have the cash to back it up.
3. HAHAHAHA KILL EVERYTHING"
|"Forgot about me bitches??? Well guess who's back. Give me that fucking pendant. That shit is mine. Tell Olmec I said what up. Remember the 90s?"|
More amazing revelations about writing stuff for a website, coming up next!