Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Naked Women of War
Things are really heating up in Israel and the rest of the mid-east, and I don't mean a summer heat wave, I mean the female Israeli soldiers disrobing on top of tanks and shooting Palestinian protesters in the head with their "love gun". The love gun is fatal according to one Palestinian newspaper.
"She started to take off her clothes in front of the demonstrators until she was [nearly] naked. Some of the protesters said they were disgusted by it, while others said the Zionist soldier made rude gestures at them," the Palestinian paper reported.
"When they approached to throw stones at her, the female soldier whipped out a pistol from her underwear and shot at their heads," the paper said, adding that two were killed and nine wounded.
You can read more about tank girl if you are so inclined. This comes as no surprise to me, as I have long suspected women were evil, especially the way they refuse to give me sex. It was only a matter of time before their own dark side corrupted them further and they went from not putting out for me to jumping on tanks and shooting people in the head. That could have been me getting shot in the head by a naked woman on a tank! If wishes were fishes!
This highly dangerous and highly nude behavior got me to thinking that the world might be a lot better off if these women channeled some of their naked aggression into something more productive. Not just in the kitchen or the nursery either! Contrary to many scientific studies women can be productive members of society and this productivity can only be increased when the woman is sans clothing. Strippers, you say, but I say "think big". These women are willing to risk it all on top of tanks with nothing but their heaving wine glass shaped breasts and a 9mm service automatic to protect them, so why not set them up in some other high risk jobs?
Listen up prospective employers of naked crazy women, I am putting together a web site at http://www.nakedcrazywomanjobs.com which will solve all your human resource needs. Are you a naked crazy woman looking for a job? Then I have the answer for you, just register with http://www.nakedcrazywomanjobs.com and we will find work for you in 90 days or less or your registration fee will be refunded.
Just look at some of the great employers who are already signed up for this service:
Join the superfund team and help clean up the environment while getting down and dirty! Nude Hazardous Material Cleanup
Job Description: You will be required to personally handle a number of hazardous chemicals, ranging from improperly stored chlorine and refrigerant, to battery acid and even nuclear waste. You will be provided with safety equipment including chemical-resistant lacy undergarments. During the course of your work it may be necessary for you to remove these in a suggestive manner prior to dumping smoldering barrels of waste into a concrete casing.
Requirements: Ability to remove clothing. Vagina. Superfund cleanup experience a plus.
Salary: 40k+ negotiable.
Disrobed Iron Smelter
Job Description: While completely naked you will be assigned the task of overseeing the pouring and mixing of molten iron. This is a high risk environment, with hot ingots falling out of the main smelter and splashes of molten iron a constant hazard during pours.
Requirements: Just bring yourself! Your skin should be inflammable and resistant to temperatures in excess of 2,000 degrees Celsius.
Salary: 29k w/ full 401k and medical/dental coverage.Put your welding skills to the test! Buck Naked Oxygen Spot Welder
Job Description: This job entails prancing around completely nude while attaching metal components at weld points with a high-temperature Oxygen torch. You will be responsible for maintenance and cleanup of your work area, which includes one oxygen welder, three oxygen cylinders stored within burst-proof strongboxes and a wooden support beam around which you can twirl completely naked.
Requirements: 5+ years experience in hand-held welding. Frequent blindness makes tactile welding ability a must!
Salary: 31k + full benefits and vacation time after 6 months employment.
Birthday Suit Astronaut
Job Description: NASA is looking for a few good and completely naked women for amazing opportunities in our space program! We are currently hiring suitable candidates for extravehicular repair work for an upcoming mission to the International Space Station. You will be responsible for exiting the space shuttle Atlantis and securing the new Hydrus docking module adjacent to the main trunk of the station.
Requirements: A doctorate in astrophysics or applied mathematics, 10+ years of military or civilian flight experience, high physical conditioning, full frontal nudity hard vacuum survival skills, depressurization training (can be acquired from Woodshole Oceanographic Institute's deep sea skin diving program), and space navigation.
Salary: 90k per mission + full retirement pension after two missions.Nothing wrong with exploiting dark holes for profit! Undressed Lesbian Coal Miner
Job Description: The Murtry Bituminous Mining Company is hiring skilled lesbian coal miners willing to work deep beneath the earth's surface performing sex acts with another nude woman in a high risk environment. You will be asked to participate in normal mining duties during woman to woman lovemaking sessions and should be talented in multitasking.
Requirements: 3+ years deep earth mining and experience with water-assist stone drills. 2+ years experience with double-headed-dildos a plus.
Salary: 51k + increasing vacation time after one year on the job.
These are just some samples from the huge catalog of job opportunities I am busy compiling for nakedcrazywomanjobs.com. Check back soon!
‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.