Good morning. I would like to begin by thanking General Hollister and the men and women of the US Air Force for welcoming me to emergency airbase Champion. Thank you to Governor Clark and Senator Douglas for joining me in the underground bunker. Mayor Thompson, whose city was destroyed, thank you for inviting me there to speak, I'm sorry we had to change plans when the giant ship appeared overhead.
Dorothy Jennings, where are you? Hey Dorothy. Dorothy makes the best egg salad sandwich I have ever tasted. Dorothy, you have helped keep the spark alive by bringing sandwiches and cold drinks to all of our tired air crews. And thanks to all of you who are listening. What we are about to embark upon will determine if we see another tomorrow.
Today, as you know, is the fourth of July. In the United States we celebrate it as our day of Independence. We look back on the bloodless pages of history and see the figures that shaped human events as legends. They were not always such towering figures. They were men, human men, who lived and breathed and talked and loved, just like you or I. Looking back I have to wonder if they understood the role they were playing in history. If they knew, as they lived within those moments we forever recall, that they were determining our path for generations to come.
In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind.
Mankind -- the name suggests a unity that we have not often experienced in our lives. Rancor has too often divided us, prevented us from achieving the greatness of which we have dreamed. But now we know, with the unique clarity, the strength of that shared character. We're bigger than our politics. We are the ones we have been waiting for, to rise up and stand for the good of all mankind, united in this purpose, not just to endure, not just to survive, but to fight and win. To reclaim the mantle of dominion and embark upon a new journey of mutual prosperity and shared interest.
We cannot allow the voices of discord in our midst to divide us now. The scientists may say our bombs are not powerful enough, the philosophers may question the ethics of exterminating a sentient species, but if we stand together, no force field can stop our weapons, no swarm of plasma-spitting fighters can turn back our jets. United we are a force that cannot be defeated. A voice that cannot be silenced.
Today, no matter where we are, no matter who we were, we share in this moment. Each of us feels the brotherhood and sisterhood of mankind and the yoke of history upon our shoulders. We have names. We live and breathe and talk and love. But, if we succeed in our endeavor here and around the world, someday our names will fill the pages of a bloodless history. To be read by the generations to come. To be cherished not for who we are, but for the new meaning we have given this day.
We will not stand aside or shrink from danger.
We will not allow fear and petty differences to divide us.
We will rise into the sky to confront the invaders, lifted by the hope and aspirations of all mankind.
Today, we win our future.
Today, we celebrate our Independence Day.
Thank you. May God bless you and may God bless the United States of America.
*Signed, Sealed, Delivered begins playing as Michelle walks out clapping*
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.