Refugee Skull Search
Alternative Fuel Craze Called "Running" Sweeps RefugeesCNN - July 30th, 2014
BY Corpse-Eater Crowley
Driving. Convoying. Rape-training. Whatever you call it, America loves its gas-burning vehicles. But these days, with so much pain and murder at the pump, some motorists are abandoning their cars and turning to an alternative fuel source called "running."
"We ran out of gas," said one refugee we talked to. "What else could we do? They had swords welded to the sides of their car. We ran."
"Running" is a lot like walking, but faster, and with yelling and screaming. One expert explained that it works best when you are about to be chopped in half by hubcap knives or caught in a net and sold at a slave auction for jerry cans of water.
Study: Human Skeleton on Hood Decreases Theft Risk AP
Burning Buildings and Smoldering Corpse Piles
New High-Efficiency Homes to Be Heated By Burning HomesMSNBC - July 31st, 2014
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.