Refugee Skull Search
Alternative Fuel Craze Called "Running" Sweeps RefugeesCNN - July 30th, 2014
BY Corpse-Eater Crowley
Driving. Convoying. Rape-training. Whatever you call it, America loves its gas-burning vehicles. But these days, with so much pain and murder at the pump, some motorists are abandoning their cars and turning to an alternative fuel source called "running."
"We ran out of gas," said one refugee we talked to. "What else could we do? They had swords welded to the sides of their car. We ran."
"Running" is a lot like walking, but faster, and with yelling and screaming. One expert explained that it works best when you are about to be chopped in half by hubcap knives or caught in a net and sold at a slave auction for jerry cans of water.
Study: Human Skeleton on Hood Decreases Theft Risk AP
Burning Buildings and Smoldering Corpse Piles
New High-Efficiency Homes to Be Heated By Burning HomesMSNBC - July 31st, 2014
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Pros: Much more comfortable than my last toilet seat, which was a transparent resin with seashells embedded inside. The outer layer wore off from friction, exposing the sharp jagged edges of the seashells, which were constantly scrapping my backside and causing major cuts and open sores.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.