Refugee Skull Search

Alternative Fuel Craze Called "Running" Sweeps Refugees

CNN - July 30th, 2014
BY Corpse-Eater Crowley

Driving. Convoying. Rape-training. Whatever you call it, America loves its gas-burning vehicles. But these days, with so much pain and murder at the pump, some motorists are abandoning their cars and turning to an alternative fuel source called "running."

"We ran out of gas," said one refugee we talked to. "What else could we do? They had swords welded to the sides of their car. We ran."

"Running" is a lot like walking, but faster, and with yelling and screaming. One expert explained that it works best when you are about to be chopped in half by hubcap knives or caught in a net and sold at a slave auction for jerry cans of water.

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Burning Buildings and Smoldering Corpse Piles

New High-Efficiency Homes to Be Heated By Burning Homes

MSNBC - July 31st, 2014
By Thing What Wears Chuck Todd's Face Skin

One entrepreneur in the Pitiless Wastes has developed a new method of home construction that just might get you through the next cold winter. Isaac the Retch says his new homes are a boon to the energy-conscious and the penny-pincher.

"No more coal and wood," he spit from his oozing toothless maw. "Just punch a hole in the wall and fill it up with newspapers and bookses! Then light it up! FWOOM! Warmmmmmssss!"

It works like this: you insulate your house with inflammable material, then you light the material. Then your house burns with you in it, thus keeping you warm.

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– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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