But it aint going to be all fun and games for you new pledges. Hell, naw. We have some "activities" planned for you boys. So, if ur a pledge for our frat you need the following
One problem with having an eParty that we are still trying to overcome is a lack of physical contact, so you babies will be forced to apply the hazing yourself. It won't be lonely though, cause we'll be watching all that stuff go in. No homo, but make sure you have a nice cam that can catch a lot of color. More on that later!
Enough with the frosh, this next part goes to the upper class. So we got a special present from one of our bros getting his associates degree in programming. To introduce it, let me ask ya'll a question: Why do all the other frats get so much action from the ladies? The answer is simple: pills. See, since we're all online, we never get the chance to slip pills in their drinks, dig? Well, not any more. This bro invented the sickest program ever. He calls it ePill, and it's awesome. So you send an email out to the sexiest girls you know, some babe at a coffee shop or a chicka in your copy room, and as an attachment you slip in an ePill, so when she opens it watch out. Well, don't watch out, just watch, cause the program gives you infinite access to her webcam. Hell yeah, Phoenix University bringing date rape to the 21st century.
A good party is one you can talk about at the watercooler or in the truck, so we're providing you guys with a few photos to photoshop yourself in. Be the talk of the muffler department with these badboys.
So, see you on the web, dudes. As always, Alumni welcome, we're looking at you Shaq. And if you want a T-shirt of the event, reply with your mailing address, G.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.