Name: Gina O'Gasm

About Me:

I'm only acting in pornos to pay my way through college, where I'm studying to get my degree in Pornography Acting.

What I'm Willing To Do On Camera:

  • Talk at length to the camera about the nasty things I'm going to do and explain how much I love penises
  • Become completely revolted once I sense the presence of a penis within 50 yards
  • Cry
  • Gag
  • Generally look uncomfortable and disgusted

What I Won't Do :

  • Rethink my career choice
  • Get inside one of those pumpkin-shooting catapults and be launched across a football field (that's my phobia)

Name: Candy Lixx

About Me:

I can follow slow moving objects with my eyes for short periods of time and my name is Candy.

What I'm Willing To Do On Camera:

  • Sexual intercourse
  • Double penetration
  • Triple penetration
  • Double anal + double vaginal + double ear canal
  • Double robot
  • Masturbate while three or more robots watch
  • Eat anything that comes out of my body or anyone else's
  • Have semen that's been superheated in a microwave thrown on my face
  • Fondle inanimate objects
  • Fondle inanimate objects that have been given life by some sort of magic
  • Make a circle with my left thumb and index finger, then slide my right index finger into and out of that hole
  • Be choked to death or be thrown off of a roof to death

What I Won't Do:

  • Remove my crucifix necklace

Name: Dirk Hardly

About Me:

I'm not your average dumbass male pornstar, I'm really cool and ironic and I have sex with women in front of a camera.

What I'm Willing To Do On Camera:

  • Constantly talk
  • Make jarringly stupid jokes
  • Ask my female counterpart asinine questions in a very creepy tone for twenty minutes before letting her disrobe, like:
    "Hey um, so are you naughty? Yeah I bet you are. MMMMMM."
    "What do you like to suck? Wow, really? Hey, say that again."
    "So why are you here today?"
    "Did I ask if you're naughty already?"
  • Carry on a conversation with the cameraman mid-coitus so he can share his insightful comments and wave his hairy hands in front of the camera
  • Insert my face into nearly every shot and grin at the viewer, give a thumbs up, or make a stupid face
  • Give a play-by-play of my orgasm that goes into so much detail Stephen King would tell me to ease up on the verbosity

What I Won't Do:

  • Shut the fuck up. Ever.

Name: Samantha Juggs

About Me:

I have a cycloptic knowledge of everything about the best television show ever, The War At Home.

What I'm Willing To Do On Camera:

  • Assemble a bicycle using my vagina
  • Assemble a ship in a bottle using my tongue
  • Drive a bulldozer with my anus (using uvula to shift)
  • Free myself from a pair of handcuffs with my clitoris
  • Paint complex landscapes with my breasts, using my opposable nipples to grip the brush and palette
  • Assemble and paint a model airplane (just with my hands)
  • Climb a gym rope in under 10 seconds using only my labia

What I Won't Do:

  • Flip through a phone book
  • Fold pizza boxes
  • Make paper airplanes
  • Anything else that could potentially involve papercuts

Name: Traci Humps

About Me:

i don't even know if i should say this but fuck it, i do a lot of drugs sometimes every day because im young and you have to live life and this is fuckin california ya know mostly cocaine and some meth i guess shit man

What I'm Willing To Do On Camera:

  • what i would sooo do is remember that music video from the eighties by ah-ha where there's this
  • guy and this girl but the guy is in a comic book? that. just go for it and do that with everything around
  • me being drawn because i really think if we opened our minds more we'd realize thats possible. i think the
  • guy had a motorcycle helmet on at some point but i dont have one so that would have to be provided

What I Won't Do:

  • i would never bring my own camera and point it at the one that's filming because if
  • the angle was just right they'd mirror into infinity or some crazy shit and then who knows
  • what would happen to the universe

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

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