Midwest Rodeo wants to thank you and your father for attending the rodeo last night. We believe the show was one of our best, and we hope you agree. Sorry for the mishap with the bleachers. The thin aluminum was obviously not strong enough to support your stone body. Our medical crew was quick to your rescue, and though you seemed out of it for a few minutes, you recovered very quickly. After you left, your father remained and ended up winning a free t-shirt in a raffle. If you decided to visit the hospital after leaving our facility, please understand that we are not responsible for any bills. To make it up for you, here are three tickets for the monster truck rally. Please notice that they are handicap tickets, so you can stand on the ground.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.