This article is part of the News Magazine of the Computer Screen series.
All of Wyoming is in a pandemonium after a brand new font spread like a tempestuous storm of wildfire through the state! The new font, with its swift curves and comically bloated serifs, has been on a relentless stampede, appearing in all manner of signage man can fathom!
"There ain't no finer a font in all the world than that one," remarked an industrious man selling corn he found in a bag!
Neighboring states are in an uproar, fearful that the font may spread like some horrifying headline straight out of the pages of a newspaper of nightmares! "We've got our own fonts," trumpeted Idaho Governor Mitchell Bigwig, who is taking some graphic design classes in the evening and hoping to get an internship this fall! "We don't need that font. We don't like that font. The people of Idaho reject that font!"
But Wyoming Governor Milton Gravity disagrees, declaring it the official state font and promoting the entire month of June as font awareness month! "May all the people of the world come to know and love the font as the Chosen People of Wyoming do!"
All throughout Wyoming, people are getting tattoos using the font, congregating together to discuss and praise the font, and putting out newsletters and brochures declaring their love for the font. Many are even taking pilgrimages to Cheyenne, the place where the font first appeared!
This my friends is the horrifying reality we now face! An unstoppable wall of letters encircling an entire state, threatening to turn friend against friend in some unholy communications breakdown! Neighboring states arm their boarders to defend against the font while Wyoming remains defiant, determined as ever to continue using and promoting it! Only time will tell if cooler heads prevail, or if a tragic end has already been written in the stars!
"I never thought I would be so moved by a font," said Randolph Dog, a scientist who quit his job and left his family to work as an apprentice typesetter. "This is the font the world has been waiting for!"
Waiting for, or fighting to stop??? The answer remains to be seen!
Horrified sighs and gasps reverberated throughout Iowa City, Iowa as concerned citizens witnessed pure terror! Organizers of the annual Iowa City Fair made the gruesome mistake of catering one of its days to the local nudist colony!
As grotesque nude forms mingled with good Christian eyes, lives were ruined and entire generations corrupted at once! Children cried, and adults vomited on their crying children, unable to hold back the raging storm of nausea that seemed to hang over the cursed event like some symbol of God's judgment!
The horrid nudes arrived from early morning and stayed until late evening, enjoying the fair's rides, games, exhibits, and amusements while frightening other attendees and forever shaming the concept of fairs!
The horror reached its apex within the ever-spinning confines of the Gravitron, which became an unfathomably depraved wall of nude flash scarcely contained by the law of gravity! Innocent eyes were forced to witness sights never intended to be seen and that may never again be forgotten!
The President of the United States, speaking under conditions of anonymity, condemned the fair and all nudes. Said this completely unknown commander-in-chief, "May the nudes of this world forever be cursed with the knowledge that they destroyed fun and merriment for all humanity for all time to come!"
This has been a presentation of the SA REEL SERVICE NEWS MAGAZINE of the COMPUTER SCREEN!
You Will Read This Headline. Then You'll Laugh. Then You'll Realize You Were Wrong All Along.
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Amazing, sensational NEWS REEL stories for the INTERNET AGE!