| "Dancin' " Grandpa Phillips||"My grandchildren drew all over my wooden leg while I was asleep. Now I can't clean this faggoty dinosaur off of it."|
Grandpa "2 Furious" Scardoza
|"I have no grandchildren to speak of. I guess you shouldn't ask grandpa to pick them up from soccer practice when he's feeling sleepy, huh?"|
|Grandpa "Pee-Paw" Cumberdale||"My grandchildren call me 'Pee-Paw.' I was once one of the most respected men in this county."|
|Grandpa "Hat Trick" Fortner||"I can't understand a damn thing my grandkids say, so I tend to nod at them and smile while I think of Gunsmoke and Mary Astor's tits."|
|Grandpa "Hoosegow" Tassler||"I always tell my grandchildren that the great road of life doesn't have to end at 90! Unfortunately, my colostomy bag needed to be changed long before we got on the turnpike."|
|Grandma "Pew Pew" Fedlick||"I take my grandchildren out for ice cream after Church every Sunday in the hopes that the mere mention of Jesus Christ's name will one day bring about the Pavlovian response of being sated by dairy fat."|
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
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