This article is part of the We Do Battle for the Lord series.
When I turned around he was the only thing on the bus with me. All of them devil kids turned to smoke, but the regular kid I'd just blasted was laying on his back in the aisle. The evil red glowy light was all gone.
I did everything I knew to do. I told him it was gonna be okay, only I had no idea if it would or not. I put pressure on the wound and tried to stop his bleeding. There was blood in his mouth. Lots of it.
"Turn his head so he's not chokin' in there," I said to Isaac.
Weird how the kid just stared up at me, awake, but just sorta like, stunned I guess. Something about the little guy was making it real hard to stand. Like I knew him.
I was losin' hope when God sent some sort of miracle. Cop car comes driving up the wintery road and a big, huge pregnant cop lady gets out. Just like the movie.
"How yah doin' in there?" she asked and came into the bus. When she saw the kid she added a quick, "Oh, jeez."
She looked more like Darla than the lady from that Fargo movie, but that was a problem too. Darla havin' a big, pregnant cop twin prowling around the back highways of Fargo at one AM seems like its gotta be some sorta divine situation.
"You boys wait outside by the prowler," she said. "I'll handle this."
After about five minutes of me and Isaac wonderin' what the hell was goin' on this golden sorta light started glowing out of the windows. The cop lady comes waddlin' off the bus and over to me and Isaac. I was still patchin' up my shoulder and she handed me a tube of unguent from her glove box.
"He okay?" asked Isaac.
"Oh, yah," said the cop lady. "Just needs his parents. We'll get him home."
I looked up at the bus and I could see the kid sittin' in the seat all wrapped up in a blanket. He was sipping on some hot chocolate or something, which was extra weird. The cop lady wasn't mad at us for shooting the kid. She just wanted to get our information and record our plates and everything.
"You boys can go," she said. "And good luck in Toledo."
"Toledo," said Isaac, taking out his book full of scribbles. "Vikram Anjop. He's possessed and we gotta stop him. Got him some sorta devil cult. Think he can maybe help us with our Ice Worm problems."
"How'd she know that?"
"How'd who know what?" Isaac screwed up his face like he was confused with what I was saying. I looked back down the highway and the bus and the cop car and the cop lady were gone.
Well that sure was a fuckin' thing.
Next Stop: Toledo, Ohio. God help us.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Isaac and his buddy died in a boating accident almost a year ago. Since then, things have gotten pretty strange. Messages supposedly from God propel them across the United States to combat supernatural evil.