This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.
Seamed stockings, red garters, and strappy red heels combine to demand attention in this retro work of decorative art for home or gallery. The 3/8" thick, tempered glass tabletop balances on a sturdy fulcrum while our sexy miss tips her champagne glass. This quality designer resin work is hand-painted with enough detail to earn a reputation for functional-art-with-a-kick in gallery or boudoir.
Our teenage son ordered one of these without our permission. It is DISGUSTING and SkyMall should be ashamed for selling pornographic sex tables. The female body is a terrible, vulgar thing that should be hidden away from everyone. My husband drove this table out the country and buried it. I'm positively ashamed of having been put through this ordeal.
By bucko from Saint Cloud, MN
This is a well-built table. I admire the sturdiness of the fulcrum on which the table balances. The problem is that the picture in the catalog was so small I did not notice the aesthetic imperfections, which is kind of a big deal. These legs are absolutely hairless. I don't know if they were just cutting corners or simply forgot, but there's not a hair to be found on these legs. There's not even a trace of stubble. I tried gluing my beard trimmings on to make this table more presentable, but I lack an artist's grace. I just ended up putting the dang thing on my porch and leaving it there.
By Horseman from Provo, UT
Got two of these and stacked 'em on top of each other. Having a great time right now just lookin' at 'em. Plan to get a bunch more. Looks simply stunning next to my life-size Anubis statue.
By Darrel from Little Rock, AR
Do they make a version of this that is more than 26 feet tall? These are more like child legs and that's just weird and unnatural. Would love some giant lady legs or maybe some kind of giant lady/crushing themed table I could sit under and feel flattened like a bug. Seems like a lot of customers would appreciate that and order in a New York minute!
By Legwork from Evergreen, CO
I am extremely angry. EXTREMELY ANGRY. The product description said this was "functional art" and yet I'm not able to do anything with it. The designers should be fired for making it as hard as possible to have sex with this table. That is terrible, incompetent engineering. Go back to school, idiots.
By bonedog69 from Springfield, IL
Like every people I expected more from this. At no point is this ever described as just being a table. The description in no uncertain terms states and I quote " this is a set of women's legs desined and built for am aan's pleasure." i can only finish on this and that is not what I was promised or signed up for. NOT A SATISFIED CUSTOMER.
By Clint Calhoun from Nashville, TN
Adds just the right amount of maturity and beauty to my living room, which is sort of mostly Spider-Man themed. I like this table and may continue to gravitate towards a female legs motif and phase out the Spider-Man stuff, depending on how things go with dates. Keeping an open mind and open heart.
By The Randman from Sandpoint, ID
Ordered one of these for my living room and I'm mostly happy with it. It looks great.
Pros: Very pretty. Legs are gorgeous!
Cons: Panties are not removable. Not actually to scale. Not anatomically correct -- no working vaginal canal or anus, let alone ones that moisten and dilate to allow insertion. Self-bored anus I added has jagged rim that can injure or trap the penis. "Skin" does not feel soft or natural. Not posable. Does not smell like any of the women I've smelt. Never menstruates. Has a peculiar, chemical taste that is off-putting. Glass table surface gets in the way and limits interaction.
Is the world ready for Staind By Me, St@nd By e-Me, and Crank 3: Stand By Me?
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Check out these helpful product reviews from your fellow SkyMall shoppers before making your next high-altitude purchase.