This article is part of the Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Reviews series.
Hell Spout - a fountain that seems to run above room temperature for unexplained reasons. Also called a hotbox, hot springs, dog's mouth or steam engine.
Hobo Fountain - drainpipes, unattended hoses, rain barrels and other unintentional water sources. Serious sippers regard these as curiosities, and partake only for amusement.
Landmine - something unpleasant placed in or around a drinking fountain to discourage others from using it. Fountain saboteurs commonly employ excrement, condoms or used sanitary products as landmines. Most veteran sippers ignore these cheap distractions and drink anyway.
Lipripper - a fountain with a sharp spigot edge.
Mustache Eraser - a fountain with extremely high water pressure. Also called a necksnapper or fire hose.
Nelson - nickname for somebody who lets the water flow for several seconds to several minutes before taking a sip. Also called a pump primer or water inspector.
Plugging - the act of covering the basin drain to ensure the water pools up, so it can be slurped animal style. Pluggers are considered a lower class by most sippers.
Poisoning the Well - intentionally talking down a good fountain to discourage other sippers from trying it.
Power Sip - the act of placing one's mouth around the entire spigot to ensure maximum gulpage and zero waste.
Pumpjack - a fountain with a defective button, requiring the sipper to repeatedly pump it to maintain a steady flow.
Quench Wench - a fountain with multiple spigots sharing a single basin. Despised by serious sippers, who prefer a more monogamous drinking experience.
Running Sweet - a fountain that has been modified to deliver water in a manner that, while extra pleasing, goes against ANSI fountain standards. See also: wrencher.
Sewer Main - a fountain connected to faulty or damaged plumbing that pumps out raw sewage. Also called a reverse toilet or diarrhea hydrant.
Shackleton's Well - nickname for a fountain running so cold, it pours out thick, icy slush. Also called a polar pump or frostsip.
Shotgun - a fountain with a spray pattern too wide to be accommodated by a normal mouth.
Sipper's Caviar - green algae growing inside poorly-maintained fountain spigots; regarded as a flavor-enhancing delicacy by some older fountain enthusiasts.
Siren - a fountain so good you can't stay away. Also called a succubus.
Slow Weeper - a fountain so dehydrated it can only offer a precious few drips.
Sour Sip - an undesirable and disappointing fountain. Also called a barf barrel.
Spanish Spring - a fountain with purported aphrodisiac qualities.
Spigmata - thick, blood-like discharge from a fountain contaminated with rust and heavy mineral deposits. Such fountains are also called a tetanus spring, bleeder or blood dripper.
Spigot Bigot - a fountain enthusiast fixated on historic "whites only" fountains. Spigot bigots claim to favor the heritage and historical value of these fountains.
Spittoon - a fountain filled or clogged with phlegm.
Splashback - water splashing on your face due to a poorly tuned flow or needlessly shallow basin.
Stinger - a fountain so covered with hornets that it is impossible to sip without getting stung.
Swamp - a fountain with a basin full of stagnant water and infested with insect larvae.
Urinal - a fountain so bad, people have started using it as a urinal. Not to be confused with a urinal so good, people have started using it as a fountain.
Wet Bandit - an unscrupulous sipper who has no problem sharing a stream with another, often weaseling into position to catch the runoff from the first drinker before it hits the basin.
Wet Nurse - someone who uses the water from a drinking fountain to clean open wounds.
Widowmaker - a fountain with water so toxic it has taken a human life. Also called a euthanizer or goodnight gulp.
Wrencher - nickname for an unscrupulous fountain enthusiast who breaks into the plumbing of public fountains to illegally modify their flow. Also called juicers.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Reviews of Shaggy Butte's drinking fountains, from Spout.ly and other rival sites.