Yesterday, the White House shocked the world with the news that President Trump has officially removed hate monger and sentient skin tab Steve Bannon from the National Security Council. While some would chalk this move up to Bannon's complete lack of experience in politics and absolutely repellent appearance, the true reasons behind Bannon's removal may surprise you.

  • Alarmed White House staffers by insisting on eating chili during every meeting, and by scooping it directly out of the can with his fingers. His subsequent ranking of the burps and farts leaving his body, while highly accurate, served as an even bigger distraction.
  • Repeatedly put off hawkish military officials by referring to brutal dictators with the aside, "Reminds me of my bitch of an ex-wife."
  • The thick, viscous trail of skin flakes, dandruff, and various body secretions left behind by Bannon made him extremely easy to track by enemy agents.
  • When visiting with foreign diplomats, Bannon repeatedly compared their country's GDP with how much he made from Seinfeld reruns that day.
  • Failed to come up with any foreign policy plans that did not use the term "rivers of blood" or "bone mountain."
  • Escaped important meetings by dressing up a layer of skin he sloughed off in a business suit and stylish wig. While other attendees appreciated this pseudo-Bannon's improved demeanor and appearance, it would often get stuck to the chair.
  • Brought shame to his position by repeatedly telling anyone within earshot that he led the Biosphere 2 project mainly so "men could just jack off wherever they want outside without being hassled by the cops."
  • Often attended important White House events in full KKK robes while loudly complaining that "the damn intern fucked up my schedule again."
  • Alarmed onlookers by stroking and gently whispering into the polished skull of Andrew Breitbart before making any important decision or lunch order.
  • Mostly the smell.

– Bob "BobServo" Mackey

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