This article is part of the Five Dollar Art Treasures series.


THE CHURCH LADIES by luckylindy222

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Price: US $0.99
Dimensions: 2.5 x 3.5 inches
Medium: Acrylic
Seller's Description: "THEY ARE DRAWN ON 140LB. COLD PRESSED STRATHMORE PAPER WITH GRAPHITE, THEN I PAINT THEM WITH HIGH QUALITY GRUMBACHER ACRYLIC PAINTS. THEY ARE THEN SPRAYED WITH A THIN COAT OF ACRYLIC NON-YELLOWING VARNISH FOR A LASTING FINISH. THEY ARE SIGNED AND TITLED ON THE BACK AND INITIALED ON THE FRONT."
We Say

Lindy invites us out to church with two lovelies rendered without shading or detail and dressed in only the finest solid primary colors. An excellent painting that puts the focus where it belongs: buttons. Gleaming silver and gold bring to mind military pomp and circumstance and even the ribbons and fluff adorning their heads reminds immediately of cockade and plumage.

"In truth, what is church?" Lindy asks. A war for our very souls. And with this we realize the depth of Lindy's work. Observe both women are identical except for their costumes. The duality of desire, our inner armies wear uniforms to church and clash on the battlefield of our soul. Does the sinful blue dominate (as she stands in the fore) or does piety lay its chains across our breast? Lindy dares you to seek the answer.

THE CHURCH LADIES is the perfect compliment to your unfinished basement or exercise room. We suggest giving it a prime spot above your hearth when you walk away from your underwater mortgage. Force the bank to reconsider their lives.


Nude Color Pencil Drawing of Pinup Girl by bewitched4567

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Price: US $0.99
Dimensions: 4 x 6 inches
Medium: Color Pencil
Seller's Description: "This drawing was created using color pencils, pen, and soft pastel colors on 4 inch x 6 inch (10cm x 15cm) 150g/m2 acid free paper. A non-yellowing fixative was later applied to protect it from smudging and to preserve it."
We Say

How uncomfortable do you want to feel in your own house? This is the question posed by bewitched with "Nude Color Pencil Drawing of Pinup Girl." Unusual lines describe a physique at once pre-pubescent and equine. The tiny, doll-like head rests atop a curving trunk ill-matched with the rest. She looks at us askance, daring us to ignore her profane figure and simian arms. The figure glows, burning and combusting from within as if the embers of her horsey youth might be extinguished if we do not pluck the fruit while it is ripe.

Imagine how this might look atop the chickenwire surrounding your tomatoes. Even bugs will know to stay off the heirlooms after one look at this beauty. Actually cheaper than mixing soap with water and spraying the leaves.


Yo mamas a alien by Aaron Tietmeyer

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Price: US $1.00
Dimensions: 16 x 20 inches
Medium: Acrylic
Seller's Description: "Imported from another galaxy and scraped with a alien toenail. We all know yo mamas a alien. I have been gifted in art since I was a child. Drawing and life studies at a very young age. I am a self taught artist. I enjoy experimenting with several different styles and continue to learn everyday. I suspect to continue with my artwork until I am unable to. Enough already right lol...anyway best of luck bidding."
We Say

This oversized odyssey from "gifted" artist Aaron Tietmeyer has been "imported from another galaxy and scraped with a alien toenail." A funny take on a serious subject matter that Aaron thoroughly explores through the use of motifs like spirals and UFOs. The long stride and ripped abs of the alien reveal a casual athleticism not often seen in aliens. These aren't the shrinking peepers of Communion or the fat-bodied junk food lovers of E.T. This is a robust, kinetic alien; an alien on the move in more ways than one.

We think you should move this alien straight to prime position in your room covered with crosses. What better accompaniment to schizophrenic religious scrawling than a little UFO conspiracy? And what if that UFO is yo mama? Even better.


Every installment of Five Dollar Art Treasures we single out one very special painting that is too good of a deal to be passed up. We call it our GREAT BUY.

$$ GREAT BUY $$

Be Cool! by Ajor

click to enlarge
Price: US $0.99
Dimensions: 2.5 x 3.5 inches
Medium: Watercolor
Seller's Description: "ANIMAL DOG GOLDEN RETRIEVER."
We Say

There is no argument we can make for owning this painting greater than the painting itself. Happy dog wears shades. "Be Cool!" he barks at the world.

Hang his picture on the wall everyone sees when they enter your home. The first possible wall. Try not to feel good when you enter your home and see this picture.

Bravo, Ajor.


We are always on the lookout for more bargain art. If you spot a painting worth including in a future installment please send me an email.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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