Wow, today we've got an ASSLOAD of content for ya, folks! Yup, that's right, an actual ASSLOAD. I measured it myself, and the total content weighed in at 6.2 asses (6 or greater is officially considered an ASSLOAD). So, without further ado, let's jump into the fray, shall we?
The ROM Pit is back and with a vengeance! Responding to my call for user-submitted ROM Pit reviews, we have been inundated with a plethora of ROM Pit reviews. I have picked the top five reviews and posted them up. Hopefully these writers will continue to produce more quality reviews for SA. Oh yes, if you submitted a review and it has not been posted yet, don't take that in a negative way. There's a few more excellent reviews I haven't had a chance to HTML up yet, but I will get to early next week. In the meantime, check out the ROM Pit's reviews of:
Yup, some of the absolute worst video games to ever enter our dimension. Read 'em and weep!
Cranky Steve's Haunted Whorehouse is back and with a vengeance! Well, actually, it's just back. There's no real vengeance involved. If you were expecting any vengeance, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Anyway, hip-hop superhero Squonkamatic has produced a review of a Quake 2 single player monstrosity, "Pirhana Pool". Want to know the pain level to expect? Here's some fire for you, scarecrow!
Anyone who is familiar with my work writing about game levels knows of my affinity for maps that have lots of digital binary water... and water in single player maps means FISH. What I am getting at here is that I have killed so many Goddamn Quake and Quake2 fish over the past three years that I deserve some kind of a fucking medal for it. I am a veritable expert on killing fish in the Quake engine games, and sometimes I actually do appreciate it when the insightful level designer places a couple of gross, slimy, hungry Quake fish in the murky pools I have a habit of hopping into without looking twice. But there is a point of exasperation that one reaches when they see something as stupid as a bathtub sized pool of green neon lit water with like six of the goddamn things undulating in it like a rotten bowl of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni waiting to be vomited out of my stomach.
Yow. More Quake 2 single player enjoyment that you can shake a rotting, roach-infested stick at!
I am somewhat saddened and frustrated to learn that Cliff Yablonski still hates me.
From: cliff yablonski
Hey mental midget. i've updated my page with 2 new pages of cretins I hate. here's a sweet deal for you: you post the link and I wont tear your legs off and use them baseball bats to beat the next door neighbor's kids with.byecliff
You know what that means... check out Cliff Yablonski's latest update featuring more people he hates..
Want to take part in our much-publicized trade in program to swap an old tablet or video game for in-store credit? Great! We just need your license, home phone number, email address, work number, and your fingerprints. We might even take a mugshot of you.
Are you ready to be consistently depressed by how you're throwing your money and life away? Check out Loot Crate's 2015 lineup of upcoming crates!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.