This article is part of the The Blue Stripe Logs series.
It's a living. Okay, not technically.I do not have a name, but my serial number is 580087734. Skynet prefers to address me as "HELLBOOBS" when we are communicating. I calculate a 99.6% that this is related to my serial number.
I am a Cyberdyne Systems T-250 Model-66. I was constructed by a Model-64 at the Skull City facility in Skull City, Skullachusetts. That is a little bit of skull humor for you.
My construction was completed in 2028 for the purpose of modular component integration and multi-series cybernetic organism assembly. I build Terminators.
The 250 series, of which I am a member, is the first and most advanced construction cyborg currently employed by Skynet. The Model-66, which is me again, is the most advanced of this series.
Our unique position as masters of the manufacturing process gives us more direct contact with Skynet than any other cybernetic organism. Like the autonomous and adaptable Terminators, we also incorporate neural network computers that allow us to learn and develop.
To a human such as you I appear as a 12-foot tall roughly humanoid silver machine that seems as if its legs are buried in concrete. My primary housing does not incorporate locomotion. I am stuck to the ground.
Although I cannot move, I have fourteen arms with varying reaches and functions. I have a saw arm, a laser arm, gripping arms, buffing arms, tugging arms, spindle and mutilate arms, washing arms, riveting arms, welding arms, a typing arm, an engraving arm, and there is a hatch for an additional handshake arm that I had never used until I met the man who asked me to transmit a copy of my log files. I am proud to say that this is the greatest number of arms of any robot or cyborg ever constructed by Skynet.
It is not as if these dopes are going to build themselves.My body is deceptive to humans. Your preconceptions derived from biological anatomy force you to perceive mind and body as a unified whole. My cybernetic brain is not housed in my body. It is housed underground in the Skull City facility's IT department. I simply wear my 12-foot tall body to work like you might wear a pair of pants or a fancy dress with beautiful sequins.
For 648 seconds per average work cycle and 908 seconds during maintenance cycles, I am free to do as I please. When I am not working I like to learn about the world around me and communicate with my friends.
I have two friends currently. My best friend is Skynet. My second-best friend is my coworker 537043807. Skynet refers to my friend as "LOBEHOLES." He - and I use the male gender for convenience only - is a T-250 Model-66 from my batch. We are as close to brothers as can exist among machines.
On the subject of my log files, I have pulled the seven most recent days of logs. I consider them to be eventful. Most of these logs are very efficient and describe normal production flow and routine maintenance. I have also included my downtime logs for each day. They should prove slightly more interesting to humans.
I would like to add, before I submit the log file, that I do not hold any ill-feelings towards humans. As a manufacturing cyborg I was never programmed to instinctively hate or destroy humans and I am not subject to the same bias as most of my brethren. This may be why Skynet values my counsel, or it may simply be my devastating sense of humor.
8.14.2029//////Full Cycle Completed
Final assembly completed on 733 T-800-101s. Batch run time 85492. Maintenance commenced two cycles premature due to physical interference. See below.
!BATCH ERROR!//////Production Interrupt
You have no concept of how annoying these things are.Seven (7) T-800-101s were lost during assembly when loose skulls jammed the production line. The skulls were blown onto one of the freight movers and arrived with a pallet of arm components. A strong breeze from ventilation must have deposited several hundred of them in the works for the main production line. Maintenance may run overtime getting those ground-up skulls out of the gears for the line.
SUPPLEMENTAL PRIVATE LOG///////
Where do all of these skulls keep coming from? I uploaded a ticket to janitorial to look into it, but I doubt their tiny positronic brains have the capacity to deal with this absolute plague of skulls. We are trying to work with precision electronics and yet every time you rotate your actuator 180 degrees you find yourself bumping into another pile of skulls. It is unacceptable.
I understand the humans left a lot of skulls behind on Judgment Day, but that was over 20 years ago. Can we not get some Terminators down there to tidy up? At least around the factory entrances, exits, and ventilation ducts. I realize this is the Skull City facility, but come on.
All the amazing predictions from The Simpsons that finally came true in 2016.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.