This article is part of the That Insidious Beast series.
They took us in their trucks up north. I remember how cold it was that day.
Most of them were men just like you and me, but there was some of them who were different and I think I know for sure were Unfolders. They looked like men, but out of the corner of your eye you knew they weren't right. I can't say I liked them or felt good about them, but they didn't do me no harm. They saved us. Those of us that weren't too sick.
"We are O.K.," one of them said to me and I smiled, but when he walked away I turned my head and I saw something I won't say what it was because it scares me even now. Even now.
When we felt better, they asked us if we wanted to fight. Some did. Most just wanted to stay up north. I had family in Dakota-8, a sister. I figured I could go back there. Just live with them. They talked quietly and then said I could go. A man drove me back to the border, a different place where they knew a tunnel under the wall.
"They'll kill you," he told me.
I knew that already. I know they'll kill me for sure after this. That's okay. I had to write it down. I knew that was what I had left to do.
Mom, Dad, God love you. I hope you are watching me. I hope you know I'm doing good. Trying to do good. I said...I done things I ain't proud of, but I done some I am. This is one. I hope I see you soon.
Reba, if you read this, it wasn't you. Thank you fore sharing your house with a beat-up old welder like me. It wasn't you or nothing you done, or nothing you said. I love you. I love you and I always will. Forget about me. Just keep moving in the other direction and be happy.
Sorry about the mess.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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