If you want to look cool you should forget about smoking. That will never make you look cool. Try adding highlights to your hair.
They say kissing a smoker is like making out with an ashtray. It sounds plausible, but who is the sicko that figured that out?
In a movie they sometimes smoke a cigarette after having sex, but only because they didn't really have sex. They were pretend kissing.
It is forbidden for Mormons to smoke cigarettes and drink caffeine. They also can't do anything else fun they can think up.
The Ancient Romans conquered huge portions of the world and maintained the mightiest empire in history, yet they couldn't even figure out how to do an email. An American baby could do that.
Hitler never used poison gas shells in battle because his experience in World War I made him afraid of poison gas. He also never tried rolling giant eggs full of bombs down hills at the Allies. Maybe for the same reason???
Samurai without a master were known as "ronin." A ninja without a master was still just a regular ninja, but maybe he was sort of lonely.
The RQ-4 Global Hawk is an unmanned aerial vehicle packed full of sophisticated computers and state-of-the-art surveillance systems. No matter how technologically advanced it gets, the Global Hawk will never truly feel the love of a mother.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.