Language is a living, breathing, reproducing, all-devouring, many-faced, remorseless thing. It requires new flesh and must slough off the old to prevent infection. We do not want language to die so we must remove these words in this upcoming year of 2015.

Oat


Small food, unremarkable. You can cut an oat, but at this point, why would you? No longer needed. Replace it with groat which means gross oat because oat are gross.

Riiiiiiiiiiiight


Said sarcastically or as you are leaning over. DO NOT DO THIS THING. We spent centuries learning how to form sentences out of blood and dirt and this is what you're going to do to language?

Feminism


One lady equals one gentleman. It is only when you allow yourself to perceive the difference that one manifests. Or when you are playing puzzle games on your phone. Try again.

Fat

Please stop using this word in letters and signs you hold up outside my house and do not shout it at me as I roll down a hill and into my special bucket back truck. My bones are large and getting larger. Do you know what bones I am talking about, feminists? The sex bones.

Lemmy Mustache

You can have both these words because I don't know who this guy is but I consider myself to be the inventor of this mustache. I saw a picture of Lemmy Mustache and he does not have fades down to his jaw line or Bart Simpson shaved into the back of his head. So if we want to be honest this is a useless term.


Turnt

Shortening words is another way we fail to respect the past and edit god out of our lives.

Cyberman

We get it, you have robot arms, you're a Big Deal. You know who else was a big deal? Bill Cosby. Now look at him. Eliminate this common term for cool cyber dudes immediately.

Netflix

If I have to hear about this one more time I am going to scream. Let's make 2015 the first year where nobody talks about Netflix ever again. It's almost as bad as when people wouldn't shut up about Internet. But we banned that one and now look at us.


Snakes

Good riddance to these things. They're like hissy worms that bite you. The first step in eradicating them is to stop talking about them. The second step is drones. They worked on feminism.

Porn

Finally vanquished in 2014. No more need for this ugly word.

Do you have any suggestions? Keep them to yourself. Nobody frigging asked you.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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