THE TOP TEN MOST ANTICIPATED UPCOMING ANIME MOVIES
10) "Wacky High School Dating Relationship 4: Comical Misunderstanding Mayhem"
9) "Demon Dick versus Satan's Tentacled Flower Labia "
8) "Princess Metal Panties 6: Nine Frames of Repeated Animation Cels in Space"
7) "Enchanted Land of Children With Very Large Heads"
6) "Sex Fantasy Ultimate Adventure: Every Female Secretly Wants to be Raped By Men in Business Suits and Dark Sunglasses"
5) "The Adventures of Comic Relief Sidekick Creature Who Floats and Has Huge Eyes"
4) "What's Going On In the School's Basement? Part III: Don't Go In the School's Basement!"
3) "Neo-Tokyo Gets Blown Up In Slow Motion With a Nuclear Bomb Volume 5938"
2) "Giant Robots Piloted By Grade School Students versus The Brother-In-Law of the Alien Menace"
1) "Mother Nature Gets Pissed Off and Destroys Buildings Part 458387293"
THE TOP TEN MOST USELESS SUPERHEROES
10) The Man with Two Lungs
9) Cap'n Grammar Captain
7) Mr. "I Was Dosed With Radioactive Rays In An Attempt to Gain Incredible Superpowers But Instead All I Got Was Testicular Cancer"
6) The Visible Ghost
4) The Incredible Shrinking Giant
3) Doctor Tangram
2) The Human Crouton
THE TOP TEN RINGS MORE WORTHLESS THAN CAPTAIN PLANET'S "HEART RING"
10) The Ring of Scrubbing Bubbles
9) Kirk Cameron's Career Tracking Ring
8) "The Ring" Ring
7) The Ring of Lemony Freshness
6) The Geocities "Small Wonder" Fan Site Ring
5) Barnum and Bailey's Five Enchanted Rings of Exotic Abused Animals
4) Courtney Love's Wedding Ring
3) The Ring of New Car Smell
2) Louie Anderson's Cock Ring
1) Gary Glitter's Child Pornography Ring
THE TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR REALITY TV SHOWS
10) "Behind the Scenes at Rand McNally's: Uncut and Uncensored"
9) "Straight Eye For the Fry Guy"
8) "The World's Greatest Forum Posts"
7) "Michigan's Sexiest Bank Statements"
6) "A Journey Through Bill O' Reilly's Colon"
5) "America's Most Eligible IRC Bachelors"
4) "Extreme Taxidermy"
3) "When ATM Transactions Go Bad"
2) "America's Most Prudest Drivers"
1) "Who Wants to be a Webmaster?"
THE TOP 10 MOST POPULAR VIDEO GAMES FROM THE YEAR 2013
10) "The Sims: Ultimate Party Backyard Vacation Adventure Construction Kit Expansion 58: BBQ Grill Fiesta"
9) "Escape From the Planet of the Washed Out, Blurry Textures"
8) "Nintendo's Classic Retro Arcade DX DS EX NAACP: We'll Keep Rerunning the Same Games For Every Platform As Long As You Faggots Keep Buying Them"
7) "Everquest VII: Pay Sony $30 a Month So You Can Spend 10 Hours a Day Working Online"
6) "Incomprehensible Bizarre Japanese Puzzle 3"
5) "Vin Diesel's 'Soylent Green'"
4) "Pokemon Retirement Center Arena"
3) "Aliens versus Predator versus Game-Stopping Polygon Clipping Problems"
2) "Lara Croft Versus the Hot Flashes"
1) "Duke Nukem: Forever"
THE TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR RESTARAUNTS
10) The AIM Cafe
9) If You Can Eat It, You Can Keep It
8) The Fantabulous Ham Tunnel
7) Stabby's Organ Trough
6) I Can't Believe It's Not Living!
5) Michael Jackson's Freakish Floating Disembodied Nose Buffet
3) Captain Archie Slaughter's Burrito Whorehouse
2) Tapioca Pit
1) PETA Burger
THE TOP ONE LEAST HUMOROUS INTERNET TOP TEN LISTS
1) This one
This Porn is Horrid!
Zack "Go Getter" Parsons here with a brand new Horros of Porn. This time around we've got the joltingly bad "Silence of the G.A.M.S.", a parody so bad it had to resort to an nachronism in the title.
In case you're mistakenly turned on by the word "blowjob" let me reiterate; a snaggle-puss Hep-C carrier goes down on the farmer from the "Babe" movies. As if that weren't bad enough, they then have stunningly sweaty sex. I'm talking the kind of exertion where you can almost see the on-set medics creeping into frame with a cardiac defibrillator to keep McDick humping away.
Normally I would say something like "go check it out!" right here, but really, you shouldn't check it out.
With college finals approaching, it's time once again for Microsoft Word autosummaries of all the old, boring books you were supposed to read.
"Don't you get it? What we have to understand is it's them or us. It can't be all of us, or one. It's got to be us, or they become it. Then we lose what makes us we."
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.