At some point in your life you may encounter a wizard or someone dressed as a wizard. Statistically speaking, this sort of thing is bound to happen to everyone at least once. Wizards are notorious for presenting you with tough hypothetical questions. How your respond may well define the rest of your life, if not make it unlivable entirely.

To help save you undue pain and torment, I have compiled a listing of the most common wizard questions. The sooner you memorize these, the sooner you can make the best possible choice when put on the spot by a wizard. I cannot tell you the answers, of course, because only you can know. The best I can do is simply give you time to think about this before it happens.


You have to eat Arby's every single meal for the rest of your life.



The Beach Boys' Song "Good Vibrations" is stuck in your head every single second from now until the day you die.


You develop an incurable condition where your hands are constantly covered with itchy, painful sores prone to bursting and leaking large amounts of pus.



You develop a singular fixation on talking about the history of ventriloquism when in the presence of the opposite sex.


You have in insatiable craving for fresh clams every waking moment of your life.



Your arms and legs are switched but you are in otherwise good health.


You mistake every non-white person you meet for Lou Bega and feel compelled to ask for an autograph.



Giant swarms of angry insects follow you wherever you go, biting, stinging, and vexing you to no end.


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