@MaryKoCo - Real-ass tweets from the cold, black heart of Los Angeles. Her human side comes out sometimes when there's donuts involved.
@iamcolinquinn - Colin Quinn does a fine job of endlessly trolling practically everyone, and then retweeting those who get upset. Always fantastic.
@woodmuffin - "Puns-N-Buns" is what we call him for his excellent puns and excellent buns.
@6thgrade4ever - Genuinely high-quality tweets and nothing but come out of this guy's brain. Who is he? No idea. But he's great.
@DrPeterThraft - This sex doctor whose tips are less than usual and had suffered a heart attack earlier this year is either probably fake or dead, but he's still worth following because he's that good.
@UtilityLimb - Formerly known as "the bi bandit" (no idea why he changed it), follow this guy and lots of surreal stories encapsulated in 140 characters will be your reward... when/if he returns from his self-imposed pre-tweet-666 exile.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.