Congratulations on your centeredness and spiritual wisdom in purchasing the Metatro Varuna "Bubble." This is the most advanced killing device available. If you are familiar with the handling of the Metatro Varuna, Asha, Klaus, or Kallisto these controls should seem familiar to you. It is important to remember that "Bubble" is not a toy. Only serious men, disinclined to singing or pranksterism, without romantic or familial obligations, should be given access to this precision device.
Remove your standard shirt and check your body for static lint. If you find none proceed to Bubble shirt application. If you find lint please proceed to debriding treatment, drip dry, and return to lint inspection. Do not perform this operation in or near an open lint catchment. Do not perform this operation if you are lint.
Before applying Bubble shirt please ensure you are grounded.
Apply Bubble shirt.
Test your perception of the color spectrum using the enclosed testing prism. Accurate perception of the full-spectrum of color is critical to time-sensitive operations of the m3991do. Owl brown and wicked milk yellow approximate the colors of the enemy.
Remove all thoughts and preconceptions, clear yourself of the outside world. Swallow the tablet marked SAUMA. Become a liquid essence traveling through the operational surfaces of the m3991do. Your ego must die before you are integrated into its command systems. Remember that you are not you and that there is no wrong way to be you.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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