Congratulations on your centeredness and spiritual wisdom in purchasing the Metatro Varuna "Bubble." This is the most advanced killing device available. If you are familiar with the handling of the Metatro Varuna, Asha, Klaus, or Kallisto these controls should seem familiar to you. It is important to remember that "Bubble" is not a toy. Only serious men, disinclined to singing or pranksterism, without romantic or familial obligations, should be given access to this precision device.
Remove your standard shirt and check your body for static lint. If you find none proceed to Bubble shirt application. If you find lint please proceed to debriding treatment, drip dry, and return to lint inspection. Do not perform this operation in or near an open lint catchment. Do not perform this operation if you are lint.
Before applying Bubble shirt please ensure you are grounded.
Apply Bubble shirt.
Test your perception of the color spectrum using the enclosed testing prism. Accurate perception of the full-spectrum of color is critical to time-sensitive operations of the m3991do. Owl brown and wicked milk yellow approximate the colors of the enemy.
Remove all thoughts and preconceptions, clear yourself of the outside world. Swallow the tablet marked SAUMA. Become a liquid essence traveling through the operational surfaces of the m3991do. Your ego must die before you are integrated into its command systems. Remember that you are not you and that there is no wrong way to be you.
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Pros: Much more comfortable than my last toilet seat, which was a transparent resin with seashells embedded inside. The outer layer wore off from friction, exposing the sharp jagged edges of the seashells, which were constantly scrapping my backside and causing major cuts and open sores.
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