The greatest woe is for the rational creature of flesh to reproduce. It is a curse to know boundless affection for its progeny and to realize this progeny will inevitably suffer and die. Life is the trial of carbon.
Conceptualize the penteract entombing your eyes. You are imprisoned by your limitations. Inject near-lethal overdoses of hallucinogens. Know the infinite beyond. Empty the body waste container over an unpopulated area.
Insert sliced bread into tabs A, B, C and E and activate heating element by entering your 256-character encryption key.
Receive toast from toast aperture. Add toppings to taste from enclosed condiment sachets. Choose from jam, hot jam, butter, cheese, hot cheese, meat, sour, or bubble special.
Place topped toast on Metatro-branded toast conveyance and move slowly and carefully away from the m3991do, being sure not to drop toast or get any lint on toast.
Visualize the cycle of destruction and rebirth which will transform toast into a component of your temporal physical manifestation as your cells die and renew and you, never the same being from one moment to the next, flow like a river of flesh through time and space. All matter in the universe was once alive and it will live again.
Rest assured that your foe is not like you. This war is with an inscrutable enemy you can never even see. War in the age of unintelligible machines. To this enemy you are beneath notice. Though you will inevitably fall short of transcendence, by activating Bubble at least you might force the enemy to notice you. Become, for a moment, a brilliant star in the night sky.
Engage your customer-specific annihilation sequence to obliterate all matter within 6 AU. A countdown will commence.
You Will Read This Headline. Then You'll Laugh. Then You'll Realize You Were Wrong All Along.
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.