Past crime: Beating multiple people including a stripper, causing a ruckus, spitting, causing a multiple shooting.
He's on a regimen to really be Pacman. He covers his house with pictures of Pacman. He looks at himself in the mirror and he says Believe it you're the best. You are the best Pacman. This is it. They need you now, Pacman. He pumps up listening to Pacdance the Pacman raps he records freestyle in his gym between Pac-katas. Lifts weights and eats the right food. High protein, high fat, whey and ice cream shakes. Jumps down funnels. Rolls in tubes.
He calls a health line. Hello, this is Pacman. How do I be Pacman 24/7? What do I eat to make myself a better Pacman?
They don't have the answers. GNC doesn't know shit. Nobody can tell him what to be, but he makes himself Pacman. He's more and more ball. His mouth is bigger. Wedgier. He's feelin' it now. Routes on the property with yellow painted basketballs. Has his friends wear sheets and chase him in a corn maze. He's getting' there. He's doin' it. This is for real, son. For real. If you don't believe the pellet don't even step out on the screen.
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.