What do you feel should be done about illegal immigration?
Dawn Catwand
Prayer Bus Volunteer
"Do they know how to tile bathrooms? A certain somebody has six boxes of Finding Nemo tiles she bought on eBay!"
Sgt. J.J. Pillock
U.S. Army
"There was this movie called like 'Spaceship Troopers' I think it was. Anyway, it was like this perfect society where mankind was fighting against aliens and to be a citizen you had to be in the space army. So just let all those guys be soldiers for a couple years. Tough luck for the broads and kids though."
Rhett Racecar
MILF Hunter
"That's easy as hell, man. Just start having 'America: Ladies Night' and it'll take care of itself! Haha, dudes pay some outrageous cover to get in and babes get in free."
Brian Multitoast
Hemp Advocate
"The more the merrier, I say. Elian Garza used to bring me pound bricks of Mauwie Wauwie he drove across the border taped inside the gas tank of his Corolla. Then Los Federales busted him and it's nothing but skunk and the occasional Northern Lights from some trailer park hydro outfit."
Jeineane Fizz
Marketing
"I am just absolutely in love with mojitos right now! It's this Mexican drink with limes and cane sugar and I think it's gin. Really amazing drink. You've got to pace yourself though, they creep up on you. A few months ago I drank five and woke up next to this guy that looked like Sammy Sosa with a Santa Claus beard. Yick! That was my second abortion."
Rudy Giuliani
Immigrant
"You put down 'immigrant' as my profession, so I guess that makes me the expert. Welp, I say let them all marry gays and be astronauts. Return Vermont to Aztlan! Prick."


What would you like to see in a national health care system?
Dawn Catwand
Prayer Bus Volunteer
"More faith-based hospitals."
Sgt. J.J. Pillock
U.S. Army
"It's called redistribution of wealth and it's theft. When I had both legs blown off by an IED I was proud to pay for the prosthetics out of my own pockets. Well, my pockets were blown off too, but the hospital put me on a payment plan. Should have these bad boys taken care of by 2065."
Rhett Racecar
MILF Hunter
"Hahaha, most of my opinions on the subject come from my favorite health care related movie: Latex Nurses in Heat. The next time I get a sore throat I want to see a nurse wearing a gas mask and a latex bodysuit hooked up to an air compressor."
Brian Multitoast
Hemp Advocate
"Do I really need to say it?"
Jeineane Fizz
Marketing
"I want more Jewish doctors that are open-minded to dating protestants. Dental and cosmetic surgeons preferred."
Rudy Giuliani
Immigrant
"I love filling out forms while I'm bleeding out of my eyes. How can we get a system that lets me fill out more forms?"
More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.