With the recent addition of our Daily Dirt feature, we've been able to detail the process of creating a front page update for our readers and fully explain how the fiercely militant Hare Krishna beliefs shared by our entire staff drive every aspect of the site's content. Your curiousity seems to have been piqued by the Daily Dirt, and now there's more interest in what goes on behind the scenes at Something Awful than ever before.
Perhaps the most popular question people seem to have is "How often do the writers talk to each other, and what are your relationships like?" Well thanks to ICQ we chat almost daily about a wide range of topics and get along swimmingly. In fact, when I open up my chat client and see that one of the other guys is online, I know I'm in for a laugh fest full of such hijynx that "laugh" is spelled "laff" to illustrate how kooky it is. Most of these conversations are so funny that they could easily stand as updates of their own.
Don't take my word for it though, check out these randomly selected chat logs from the past week that prove my point. I am so confident in the comedy that permeates every conversation we have that I haven't edited or even looked at them.
Opening chat session with Lowtax...
(06:13pm) CTStalker: howdy
(06:13pm) CTStalker: I was wondering if we could add my full name to the title that shows up on all my articles. You know, like Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka.
(06:14pm) CTStalker: or if that's too much at least put the apostrophe back in the "Tucker's" part of my nickname
(06:16pm) CTStalker: hello?
(06:22pm) CTStalker: Oh, now you're set to Away. Sorry, guess you're eating or something. Just let me know when you're back.
(06:45pm) CTStalker: hey, I saw you come back just now
(06:45pm) CTStalker: I know you're there
(06:46pm) CTStalker: or maybe one of your pets walked by the computer desk and made the mouse move, and you're really not back
(06:46pm) CTStalker: that must have been it
(06:48pm) CTStalker: sorry, let me know when you're back
(Lowtax has gone offline)
Opening chat session with GeistEditor...
(10:56pm) CTStalker: howdy
(10:57pm) CTStalker: I wanted to talk to you about an article idea I had
(10:57pm) CTStalker: it's called "Car Cops" and it's sort of like Fashion SWAT but it's totally original because we'll make fun of pictures of cars and my comments are in there along with yours and Dr. Thorpe's
(10:59pm) CTStalker: I think I'll add a lot to the feature and it will become our flagship series because nerds are more interested in technology than clothes, and cars are technology
(11:05pm) CTStalker: hello?
(11:07pm) CTStalker: If you're busy, I'll just talk to you later to iron out the details. Think about it!
(Chat session with GeistEditor has been closed)
Opening chat session with DrThorpe...
(11:08pm) CTStalker: Hey, Zack and I are working on a new feature called Car Cops and we wanted to run it by you for some input
(11:11pm) CTStalker: I'll basically just find pictures of cars and then we'll all take turns making funny comments using our wits
(11:11pm) CTStalker: before you say yes or no, let's try one out
(11:13pm) CTStalker: okay, I'll go first:
(11:14pm) CTStalker: "I've heard of car phones, but this is ridiculous!"
(11:18pm) CTStalker: "Sports cars are so fuel inefficient, I bet this only gets 12 porches per gallon."
(11:18pm) CTStalker: haha, see?
(11:19pm) CTStalker: It's okay if you're a little slow to come up with something. This stuff comes natural to me so don't be intimidated.
(11:21pm) CTStalker: Here, let's try another:
(11:22pm) CTStalker: "I've heard of giant skulls on wheels, but this is ridiculous!"
(11:25pm) CTStalker: and then we can work in a reference to some sort of literary or artistic figure like Bob Ross or the Hardy Boys to appeal to our high-brow audience
(DrThorpe has gone offline)
Opening chat session with Terrorsaurus...
(11:43pm) CTStalker: hey there new guy :)
(11:45pm) CTStalker: If there's anything you need help with just let me know. You're doing a great job so far, but if you have any questions I'm here. I know things can be a bit daunting when you're relatively new to it all.
(11:45pm) Terrorsaurus: Fuck off.
(11:46pm) CTStalker: oh, sorry
(11:49pm) Terrorsaurus: I was just kidding :p
(11:50pm) CTStalker: Haha I get it! It's great joking around with you guys, you're like my best friends. Moments like these are really special to me, you know? I feel a connection with all of you that I never felt with any other friends.
(11:51pm) Terrorsaurus: No, wait. I typed that last "just kidding" line in the wrong chat window, it was meant for someone else. You stay fucked off.
(11:52pm) CTStalker: Sorry, I misunderstood. My fault.
(11:54pm) CTStalker: If you need anything though, my door's still open. Like if you have technical questions about our update system or need to borrow some money. Or if you want to talk on the phone some time I'll give you my number. I know as a new guy sometimes you're so lonely that just hearing a human voice is enough to keep you from wanting to hurt yourself for a little while. You could call collect.
(Terrorsaurus has placed you on his Ignore list)
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.