This article is part of the Instruction for a Help series.
SIGN OF A FIEND FROM BELOW
(watch, listen, look, and pay attention)
VWWWOOOOOOSH is in the air. It is a metal bird high upon the sky. FRIEND BIRD will go into a engine if he can. He will bring a friend and choke it up. A metal bird will fall down and a burning will be upon a earth. THIS METAL BIRD IS A BAD NEWS. Go to cellar or THE CENTER for a house. A fire will fall out of a metal bird and FIEND FROM BELOW will break apart a bodie.
BUZZZZZZZ is in the air. No it is not DEAR FRIEND BEE. Another metal bird. It is WORST SOUND of FIEND FROM BELOW. It is the bird to bring a red smoke. It fall down on a bodie. Choke a breath. Sting a eye. A bodie fall and a voice grow quiet. The sorrow grow, the burning, then a great empty. A great silent. THE WORST SOUND. RUN. RUN FAR.
THUMP THUMP THUMP is in the air. This is a sound for a metal bird that spin. Like a other metal bird, but it spin. FIEND FROM BELOW look down on you, see with strange eye, see into a heart and know it is you. Go into the cellar. If he is low FRIEND RED WORM will capture the bird in a jaw. If it is high FRIEND BUG will come in a many and cover up a sky.
And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth.
RUMBLE RUMBLE is on the earth. FIEND FROM BELOW is quick in his machine. It is like your machine but bad. Like your machine but it spit metal and fire. CLANK CLANK CLANK goes a leg. CLATTER CLATTER CLATTER goes a mouth. It has a eye can see at night. Friend owl see this way. BOOM it yell and a fire and fast metal is in you. FRIEND RED WORM will come. If there are many machine he will bring many friend. A great grappling will begin. Stay clear, okay?
CLUMP CLUMP CLUMP CLOP CLOP CLOP FIEND FROM BELOW IS HERE!! This is sound of a foot from a FIEND BODIE on a earth. A man from below bring a fast metal and a fire and a can of the RED SMOKE. Go away from it at first. Let a FRIEND come. A FRIEND from a wood. A FRIEND of all sort will step into your path to help you.
RED WORM will come to protecting THE CENTER. You are last to danger to preserve HIGH ORDER SAPIENCE. If it is to you then you must GIVE A FIGHT. GRAPPLE with INTENSITY. DO NOT GIVE IT UP.
And unto them was given the motherfucking power.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.