Pretty Boy Floyd, Robofloyd, Punch Guy
Good Guys That Everyone Hates
Inverted Triple-Lux Double Looper Maymaker Uppercut Variation With A Twist - Punches his opponent.
The Incredible Sulk, Bruno The Horse Jockey
Bad Guys That Everyone Likes, Frost Giants
Blubbo's Pantometer - Lurches about the ring while taking up a great deal of space and getting winded easily.
Zookeeper Dan, The Angry Gynecologist
The Edge's Edge - Edge turns sideways to become paper-thin and nearly invisible, then pokes his confused opponent in the eye.
The Grave Digger, Satan's Henchman, Flopsy The Clown
The "He's Still Wrestling?" Squad
Shadowy Spookfest - By summoning the dark powers that inhabit unseen corners of the waking world, Undertaker hides the pain of his aching joints, bad back, and impotence from his opponent.
The Human Crouton, Showers Daly
Snap Shot - After stunning his opponent, Randy exits the ring to retrieve a Polaroid camera that was hidden under the canvas before the match. With this camera he snaps a photograph of the other wrestler, stealing his soul forever.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley, The Game, The Mysterious Masked Man In A Chicken Suit
The Lemmy Society Of Ridiculous Facial Hair
The Sledgehammer - Grabs opponent's wrists and forces them to slap their hands against their face, asking "why are you hitting yourself?" in a mocking falsetto.
Hustla White, Sparky The Dog That Could Wrestle
The Five Knuckle Shuffle - Shakes his opponent's hand vigorously, with a vice-like grip that really smarts. Never breaks eye contact or stops smiling, placing his opponent in a difficult position where breaking the handshake or complaining about Cena's grip might come across as rude.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Today's viral teen news beat, brought to you by Mike from the Internet!
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.