We hear a lot about deadly toys from China made out of depleted uranium and broken glass being sold in America, and that's scary. But what's more scary are all the toys made out of depleted uranium and broken glass that are so heinous they don't even make it to store shelves, let alone get the luxury of being recalled. This week, with a little help from the Something Awful Forum Goons, we take a look at a whole slew of toys that were just too unpleasant, dangerous, or offensive to make it to store shelves.

Biscuit McClure wants to set your children on fire.

Looks like ixpfah had another bright idea.

Are you kidding? coookie has a whole box of these things.

Zurmakin is a vicious little bastard.

partagas150 has a trophy for cleverness.

More Photoshop Phriday

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.