How do we deal with the guard and further our greasy scam to steal Sir Tedbald's identity?
Fire the guard. We're Ted now, and we're sick of this oaf lazing about on our coin. He wants to roll dice, send him back to his mama's basement.
Beyond sane knolls
Offer him a casual "Still reading books and rolling them dice, I see, old guard whose name I forget! Glad to see some things haven't changed!" as you stroll through the gate.
Enlist him in the scam in return for leadership of our personal guard/army. Then instead of dice he can gamble with the lives of men.
Who's to say the guard, clearly reading a book and rolling dice as one does in Sword of the Bastard Elf, isn't therefore recursively the architect of this very story itself? Killing, stopping, or deposing him could lead to a sudden evaporation of our very existence.
Most people wanted to bluff their way through (maybe firing the guard afterward). Anyway everyone in Bilgeton is a mark, so it's easy enough to get through this without a fight. Lacking the scorpions or the collective will to take out the guard, we turn to 345:
Pretty late in the day to be picking stuff up, but whatever. Let's see what we got:
An expired coupon.
Well, we have both the Signet Ring and the Sword of the Bastard Elf. so turning to 136:
It's JEFF. We didn't even have to hunt him down!
See if Karol has anything interesting to say.
fuck you karol
Gentle creature Mark Zuckerberg informs you that he enjoys his dog and wife the normal human amount. That he has a plan. That he will be Gentle Leader.
Afraid of ideas and free speech? Well then you better not read this article, coward.
Candles scented like Destiny planets - increases KDR by 26%!
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