Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:00:00 +0000 Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/index.php en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/index.php 144 42 zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Something Awesome Editor) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/stupid-sexy-list.php Hey, guys, we've got a list of 10 celebrities with great racks and we're counting them down! All lovers of lady chests this is the hottest article for you. Thu, 03 Dec 2009 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/stupid-sexy-list.php lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/flour-and-grain.php Witness the thrills and chills that can only be experienced during at the largest convention dedicated to flour and grain processing! Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/flour-and-grain.php AxeManiac@somethingawful.com (Brian "AxeManiac" Jones) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/brutal-legend.php Double Fine founder Tim Schafer talks about his upcoming game Brutal Legend as well as some not-so-brutal legends. Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/brutal-legend.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sims-3-life.php An epic journey of life and death in The Sims 3 culminates in a visit from the reaper with cake. Thu, 04 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sims-3-life.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/duke-nukem-fornever.php Duke Nukem Forever is one of the hottest games and we've got the hottest exclusive screen shots from 3D Realms' upcoming title! Thu, 07 May 2009 04:30:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/duke-nukem-fornever.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/cheney-100-days.php Tired of socialism? Fed up with communism? Sick of solipsism? President Cheney is from the government, and he's here to help. Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/cheney-100-days.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/death-wall-street.php In a profane ideas piece, Zack Parsons tells Jake DeSantis of AIG, along with the rest of Wall Street, to burn in hell forever. Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/death-wall-street.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-roadshow-vegas.php Adverse Interests hits the road and heads to Las Vegas with a plan to rob several casinos using NionCO minions. Thu, 12 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-roadshow-vegas.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-nionco.php Tough times force Adverse Interests to turn to the budget henchman company NionCo for Operation Pennywise. Thu, 05 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-nionco.php lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka and Dr. David Thorpe) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/nfl-draft-2009.php Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka and "Doctor" David Thorpe predict the 2009 NFL draft. Get your fantasy picks in now! Wed, 04 Feb 2009 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/nfl-draft-2009.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-time.php What if the Nazis had the atomic bomb? Find out in this time, space, and mind-bending installment of Henchman Status Updates. Thu, 29 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-time.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-space.php Space, the final frontier for evil to conquer. Find out what happens when the hired help aboard Dreadstation runs afoul of UNFORCE and John Glenn. Thu, 22 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-space.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-peninsula.php Henchman Status Updates provide you with the latest information on your FIST henchmen and henchwomen. Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-peninsula.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-parade.php FIST Unique Personnel Solutions has some updates on your recent henchman contracts. Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/henchman-status-parade.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/blackbird-review-mozilla.php An in-depth review of Blackbird, the world's first African American Internet browser. Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/blackbird-review-mozilla.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/mentalist-valentine.php 'The Mentalist' might be too good for TV Threshold, while 'Valentine' turned out to be too stupid to live. Sun, 07 Dec 2008 04:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/mentalist-valentine.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/rick-sanchez-poetry.php Goofy CNN anchor Rick Sanchez consults the newsroom and the Twitter board for his latest poetry jam. Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/rick-sanchez-poetry.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Stevie) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/reading-time-fantastic.php Satan lives, and I will find him. I will succeed where the Fantastic Four have failed. Sun, 30 Nov 2008 03:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/reading-time-fantastic.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/partners-tragic-rime.php We Are Partners under violent siege. Please send hero. Stop. Sun, 23 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/partners-tragic-rime.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Buckethead) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/buckethead-chinese-democracy.php Prolific guitarist Buckethead talks about his role in the upcoming Guns and Roses album Chinese Democracy. He also talks about other projects. Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/buckethead-chinese-democracy.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/big-bang-theory.php TV Threshold descends deeper into sitcom hell with 'Big Bang Theory' and 'Worst Week.' Sun, 16 Nov 2008 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/big-bang-theory.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/true-blood-vampire.php Bill the Vampire from True Blood isn't afraid to declare his love for psychic waitress Sookie Stackhouse. Our video chronicles their passion. Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/true-blood-vampire.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Stevie) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/reading-time-frankenstein.php Stevie, forget what you have heard about this "Frankenstein." Frankenstein, Jr is the hero you are required to know. He lives among the humans, and does outstanding tasks under a scientist's command. He is a role model for you. He is a robot. Sun, 02 Nov 2008 07:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/reading-time-frankenstein.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/gary-unmarried-kath.php So many shows on television, so few that can be watched in their entirety without the comfort of available cyanide pills. Sun, 26 Oct 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/gary-unmarried-kath.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Stevie) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/incredible-hulk-1349.php Instructor, I have learned much about the Hulk during this Reading Task, but I have an additional question: Dad? Sun, 12 Oct 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/incredible-hulk-1349.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Stevie) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/reading-time-batman.php Batman is not a real hero, Instructors. He will not help us with the cause. He will love animals, and they won't even be bats, and then a furry person will take him to his dungeon. The 'Cheetah' does not exist. Where does the fraud end? Sun, 05 Oct 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/reading-time-batman.php fragmaster@somethingawful.com (Kevin "Fragmaster" Bowen) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/worksafe-pornmovie.php Watch live-action work-safe porn! It's guilt-free! Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/worksafe-pornmovie.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Stevie) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/superman-phantom-1349.php Instructor, thank you for Reading Tasks that teach us the value of science. If only Superman had learned this lesson! Sun, 14 Sep 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/superman-phantom-1349.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/mccain-attack-honorable.php An automated system for generating "honorable attacks" on Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain. Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/mccain-attack-honorable.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Stevie) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/aquaman-scourge-1349.php Stevie, please proffer your latest findings regarding book task 'Aquaman: Scourge of the Sea.' If indeed you have absorbed its True Lessons, may they serve you well on the Outside. Sun, 24 Aug 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/aquaman-scourge-1349.php stevesumner@somethingawful.com (Steve "Malak" Sumner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/miniatures-awards-painting.php Resident tabletop wiz Steve "Malak" Sumner is holding the first annual Golden Hotbabe Awards for Excellence in Miniatures. There's only one way to find out who won what in this prestigious competition. Thu, 21 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/miniatures-awards-painting.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/darfur-iran-ossetia.php A serious strategic analysis of the global threats which America may have to explode in the coming decade. Thu, 14 Aug 2008 03:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/darfur-iran-ossetia.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Joe Patriot) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/america-got-talent.php Folks, I've seen some things in my time, but I never thought I'd see some sort of pervert orgy using America's good name, right on my television. If that's what 'talent' is, a catalog of sexual depravities, well, I'm glad God gave me the short shrift. Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/america-got-talent.php garbageday@somethingawful.com (Stevie) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/spiderman-facility-1349.php Well, Stevie, I am told you have completed book task 'Spider-Man Zaps Mr. Zodiac.' Could you please share your findings regarding this reading, and what True Lesson you've discovered? Our Distinguished Visitor awaits your report. Sun, 03 Aug 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/spiderman-facility-1349.php lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sumo-omni-review.php The nice, nice people at Sumo Lounge International won't stop sending me free chairs until I review one, so here you go! Wed, 30 Jul 2008 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sumo-omni-review.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Bendleson MucScoop) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/real-black-person.php The true story of life as a black person in America. It's a tough life full of peril and heartache. Get the true story from real blacks in their natural habitats. Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/real-black-person.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Amy Winehouse) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/rehab-crack-holocaust.php A scathing assault on the media from frequent subject of the tabloids Amy Winehouse. She explores life under the microscope and what she plans to do to fight back. Thu, 26 Jun 2008 04:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/rehab-crack-holocaust.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/dog-video-butt.php "Old Dog, New Tricks" is a video tribute to dogs, our handless friends. Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/dog-video-butt.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Sean Penn) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sean-penn-phoenix.php Sean Penn discusses the Phoenix Mars Mission and how it relates to issues in the US and abroad. Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sean-penn-phoenix.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Anthony Bourdain) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/chef-anthony-bourdain.php Favorite food? Least Favorite food? Chef and author Anthony Bourdain stops by Something Awful to offer the answers to the two questions he gets asked the most. Thu, 29 May 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/chef-anthony-bourdain.php JEFFK@SOMETHINGAWFUL.COM (JEFF K!!!!!!!!!!!) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/jeffk-hates-tvs.php Jeff K. demonstrates his boundless wit and charm while meticulously scrutinizing home theater systems. Thu, 27 Dec 2007 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/jeffk-hates-tvs.php shmorky@somethingawful.com (Shmorky) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/xmas-cards.php What's this? Some kind of Christmas card? Sun, 09 Dec 2007 23:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/xmas-cards.php shmorky@somethingawful.com (Shmorky) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/chistmas-comics.php No Flash Tub this week. We've got something BIG planned! Please enjoy these Christmas comics Sun, 02 Dec 2007 23:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/chistmas-comics.php lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/steal-century-compact.php Joe P. and Nick Q. are back at "Steal of the Century," here to give you some late night great deals on the hottest computer to hit the market, the "Compact PC!" Mon, 01 Oct 2007 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/steal-century-compact.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/oblivion-mods-three.php Horrible Oblivion mods from Japan. Thu, 09 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/oblivion-mods-three.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/oblivion-mods-two.php An assortment of filthy and strange Oblivion mods, including Michael Jackson, prostitution, and huge deformed boobs. Thu, 02 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/oblivion-mods-two.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/oblivion-mods-one.php A journey into the seedy and stupid world of Oblivion mods. Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/oblivion-mods-one.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/bill-paxton-awesome.php Forget the fake facts about lame actors selling exercise equipment, Bill Paxton is the real thing. Thu, 12 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/bill-paxton-awesome.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/great-moments-wrestling.php Bad tributes from pro-wrestling. What's next, bad acting? Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/great-moments-wrestling.php stevesumner@somethingawful.com (Steve "Malak" Sumner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/floating-disk-greater.php Steve answers the call for more fantasy with his 8th grade adaptation of an Edgar Allen Poe story. Thu, 07 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/floating-disk-greater.php