Mon, 10 Jun 2013 06:00:00 +0000 Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/index.php en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/index.php 144 42 lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/worst-gta-ripoffs.php Stare in awe at the completely failed attempts to produce clones of Grand Theft Auto. Wonder why they were created. Weep for humanity. Mon, 10 Jun 2013 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/worst-gta-ripoffs.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/woolwich-terror-losers.php Peace activists hoped their cause would be bolstered by the blood-drenched killer's insights on wars against Muslim nations. Thu, 23 May 2013 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/woolwich-terror-losers.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/amanda-palmer-dzhokhar.php A poem addressed to the poet laureate of the Boston Marathon bombing. Thu, 25 Apr 2013 04:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/amanda-palmer-dzhokhar.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/days-fall-last.php Three Days in Fall concludes as Eastwood and his companions attempt to escape the war zone of Corpus Christi. Thu, 11 Apr 2013 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/days-fall-last.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/eastwood-days-fall.php The USAF drafts Eastwood into exchanging a cult preacher for a hostage media personality. Thu, 04 Apr 2013 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/eastwood-days-fall.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/three-days-wages.php Eastwood returns! A bounty hunting job goes pear-shaped on the Mexican border and secessionists rally for Texas independence. Thu, 28 Mar 2013 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/three-days-wages.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/skeleton-dungeon-faq.php If you are a skeleton warrior, before you send your question to support, please check this F.A.Q. Thu, 14 Mar 2013 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/skeleton-dungeon-faq.php telegramsiam@gmail.com (JOHN 'WET BUTT' V AND LORENZO LAPELS THE GARBAGE BOY) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sxsw-guide-2013.php WET BUTT tells us about cool bands to see at SXSW or listen to at home. also he's rude about wavves. Wed, 13 Mar 2013 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sxsw-guide-2013.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/gender-video-games.php Understanding the gender roles portrayed in early video games helps illuminate modern problems with portraying gender and sexuality. Thu, 28 Feb 2013 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/gender-video-games.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/gta-hooker-hell.php The working girls of San Andreas have it rough. Find out just how rough in this intimate diary. Thu, 07 Feb 2013 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/gta-hooker-hell.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Nizar Al Fahri) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/syria-refugee-fictive.php A child refugee of fighting in Syria responds to the concerns of Tumblr posters. Thu, 10 Jan 2013 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/syria-refugee-fictive.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/microwave-dinner-recipes.php Microwave dinners make passable meals on nights you don't feel like sitting alone at Wendy's or cooking a Hamburger Helper meal for one. The only problem with these frozen slabs of vaguely foodlike slush is that they always taste the same. Maybe it's time to change things up with one of these recipes. Sat, 15 Dec 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/microwave-dinner-recipes.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/blops-penthouse-forum.php JSOC was standing in the doorway silhouetted by the glow of an IR beacon... Thu, 29 Nov 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/blops-penthouse-forum.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/bloggers-black-friday.php Get the secret techniques for finding Black Friday deals from the perfect source: Mom Bloggers. Thu, 22 Nov 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/bloggers-black-friday.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/ulillillia-mud-dreams.php Lifehacker talks to Ulillillia about his workplace and tips he uses to increase productivity. Thu, 15 Nov 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/ulillillia-mud-dreams.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Your Delivery Driver) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/delivery-driver-tip.php I've been delivering your food for several months now, but lately you've been having second thoughts about tipping me. Well, despite what you think, tips are important, as they have a drastic impact on how your next order is handled. Sat, 03 Nov 2012 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/delivery-driver-tip.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/free-streaming-movies.php FREE streaming videos. Watch now. No commercials. Watch on your phone. Ignore all other sensations. Thu, 01 Nov 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/free-streaming-movies.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/xcom-nigeria-panic.php UFO panic grips Nigeria, leaving its president to do the only sensible thing and leave the only anti-UFO force in the world. Thu, 18 Oct 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/xcom-nigeria-panic.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/romney-obama-demographics.php Micro targeting demographics: squeezing blood from a weird, sort of embarrassing stone. Thu, 04 Oct 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/romney-obama-demographics.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/everyday-nightmares-weltschmerz.php You're lying in bed and there's a spider crawling toward you. You try to want to move, but are too depressed. Sat, 08 Sep 2012 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/everyday-nightmares-weltschmerz.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/groupon-goes-under.php Groupon is facing a difficult future. In order to survive they have decided to cut back on amenities. Thu, 06 Sep 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/groupon-goes-under.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah "Jed" Kirchner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/classic-novels-autosummarize.php Microsoft Word has a wonderful non-sequitur device called AutoSummarize. Unleashed on classic novels, it yields summaries that are both funny and surprisingly accurate. Sat, 14 Jul 2012 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/classic-novels-autosummarize.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah "Jed" Kirchner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/unpopular-urban-legends.php Were all familiar with urban legends: those time-honored, hand-me-down myths about killers in the backseat, spiders in hairdos and phone calls from inside the house. But for every popular urban legend weve heard, there are several others that have never taken off. Lets look at a few of these lesser-known tales. Sat, 02 Jun 2012 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/unpopular-urban-legends.php lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/guide-minecraft-3.php A Seven-Year Old's Guide to Minecraft (Mindcraft 3?!?) Wed, 30 May 2012 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/guide-minecraft-3.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/alf-tv-wikipedia.php Delve into the ALF expanded universe with this article from the ALF Wikipedia Project. Thu, 24 May 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/alf-tv-wikipedia.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/romney-donor-obama.php A vile Obama campaign website targets innocent private citizens who have donated money to Mitt Romney. Thu, 17 May 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/romney-donor-obama.php lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/diablo-3-livestream.php At work? Didn't get a copy of Diablo 3? Check out our official gameplay livestream! Tue, 15 May 2012 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/diablo-3-livestream.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah "Jed" Kirchner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/greatest-icings-history.php Remember 'icing'? Wikipedia defines it as a game that requires cunning, keen misdirection and flair. Sat, 05 May 2012 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/greatest-icings-history.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/liminal-states-short.php A short film based on the novel "Liminal States" by SA's own Zack Parsons. Mon, 23 Apr 2012 04:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/liminal-states-short.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/snakeman-remembered-eulogy.php Snakeman is eulogized by his friend and coworker at Peterson Advertising. Thu, 19 Apr 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/snakeman-remembered-eulogy.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/save-george-zimmerman.php An unjustly accused man is currently facing false charges. PLEASE help George Zimmerman's defense. Thu, 12 Apr 2012 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/save-george-zimmerman.php shmorky@somethingawful.com (Buppy) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/buppy-cuppy-cup.php 1 dog 1 cup Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/buppy-cuppy-cup.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Hans Appleman) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/roboss-subway-twitter.php Workers wearied by bilious botherbot. Sat, 10 Mar 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/roboss-subway-twitter.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Dylan Savant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sagan-devolved-offspring.php Have you experienced the majestic wonderment of a solar storm? Thu, 08 Mar 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/sagan-devolved-offspring.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/facebook-zuckerberg-abuse.php Detailed updates to Facebook's abuse policy skew towards protecting Ataturk. Thu, 23 Feb 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/facebook-zuckerberg-abuse.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Dave Mustaine) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/mustaine-picks-president.php Megadeth guitarist Dave Mustaine finally makes his pick and endorses for President 2012. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/mustaine-picks-president.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah "Jed" Kirchner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/make-someone-cry.php Maybe if I wore a cape and ran around someone's living room they'd start weeping violently. Sat, 11 Feb 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/make-someone-cry.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/for-the-cure.php From KFC breast cancer buckets to bullying small charities, Susan G. Komen has never been good. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/for-the-cure.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (DJ PI) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/chinatown-greenwich-village.php A simple cheating spouse case leads to murder and conspiracy in Greenwich Village for the Neo Hipster Detective. Thu, 22 Dec 2011 03:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/chinatown-greenwich-village.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/vhs-demonic-toys.php Blockbusters VHS section is deserted save a few ghosts. A headless lady drifts down a nearby aisle. Sat, 17 Dec 2011 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/vhs-demonic-toys.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/cain-foreign-policy.php The Cain Train is pulling into the foreign policy station with this comprehensive overview of the geopolitical situation from Herman Cain's campaign. Thu, 01 Dec 2011 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/cain-foreign-policy.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/dave-mustaine-wikipedia.php Wikipedia's guitarist Dave Mustaine joins the appeal for donations to keep Wikipedia running. Thu, 24 Nov 2011 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/dave-mustaine-wikipedia.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (29) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/urban-dictionary-29.php I Googled 29. I'll admit I was shocked. I know kids are into weird stuff; I was too in my day. My dad never understood it, but he accepted it. When you were born I said I'd do the same. Whether my son was gay, a communist, a rockabilly - I'd live with his choice. But THIS? It violates every rule I was raised by. I can't believe it's not outlawed! Sat, 19 Nov 2011 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/urban-dictionary-29.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/memoriam-obituary-rooney.php A selection of obituaries we neglected to publish in a timely fashion. Thu, 17 Nov 2011 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/memoriam-obituary-rooney.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah "Jed" Kirchner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/webcomic-thief.php Look, I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. Keep the fantasy characters, the orcs and wizards. But use a spaceship instead of a coffee shop. And instead of having them just hang out and talk about RPGs, make them detectives solving space crimes. Something behind his eyes flicked on. His face beamed like a sunburst gradient. Sat, 05 Nov 2011 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/webcomic-thief.php andersonmcook@gmail.com (Anderson "ChrisFarley" Cook) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/goon-zine3.php LOOK, a special bonus edition of Goon zine for the scariest, Slenderman-iest day of them all! Mon, 31 Oct 2011 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/goon-zine3.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/battlefield-statistics-origin.php We have turned the first 48 hours of Battlefield 3 usage stats into a handy graphic. Thu, 27 Oct 2011 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/battlefield-statistics-origin.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/steve-jobs-dead.php We briefly pay tribute to the departed Apple legend, Steve Jobs. Thu, 06 Oct 2011 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/steve-jobs-dead.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/new-fall-television.php Fall is upon us, and you know what that means. No, not a seasonal change accompanied by the fluttering of red and gold leaves through crisp air that compels you to snuggle up in a blanket and sip hot cocoa from the ear canal of a loved one. It means it's time to read a middling internet humorist's take on Fall's new shows. Fri, 30 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/new-fall-television.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/delicious-last-meals.php These 5 delicious foods are the perfect finish to a miserable life. Scum like you don't deserve these meals, but you get them, because that's the sort of decent people we are. Thu, 22 Sep 2011 05:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/delicious-last-meals.php