http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.en-usjeffrey+editor@somethingawful.comjeffrey+rsssupport@somethingawful.comThu, 01 Jan 2026 06:26:12 GMTweb2.0rss.com.farthttp://www.somethingawful.com/static.somethingawful.com/img/logo-rss.pnghttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/14455http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/hologram-man/The Spiritual Successor to Demolition Man! Wait, did we say successor? We meant shameless ripoff.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/15090/Tue, 16 Oct 2018 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/throne-fire/In which an all-out barbarian war is fought over a chair that will probably kill you.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14967/Mon, 26 Feb 2018 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/heatseeker-pyun/1/Haymaker and The Vein return for a feast of cyborg-on-human punchfighting!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14918/Mon, 27 Nov 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/dude-wheres-dog/Goddamn it, if the dog's invisible we have to look at the human actors debasing themselves.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14908/Mon, 06 Nov 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/barbarian-queen-2/The most barbaric thing about this movie was deciding not to burn the film negatives on the spot.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14863/Mon, 04 Sep 2017 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/sorcerers-apprentice/Using the Dark Arts to pants a bully during third form seems kind of wasteful to us, honestly.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14825/Mon, 24 Jul 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/gods-not-dead2/Let the spirit of shitty moviness fill you as Christianity goes on trial!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14812/Mon, 10 Jul 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/alien-fury/A hoax alien invasion, covering up...the exact same alien invasion?trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14799/Mon, 26 Jun 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/supernaturals/The South rises again in zombie form, to bore the North to death!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14787/Mon, 12 Jun 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/planet-raptor/A Romanian village full of velociraptors vs. a bunch of marines...in space.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14774/Sun, 28 May 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/alien-apocalypse-campbell/Bruce Campbell vs. giant termites that might just be the worst alien invaders since Signs.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14760/Mon, 15 May 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/post-impact-cain/After the comet icepocalypse, watch Dean Cain re-enact the movie "Aliens", but without any aliens.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14747/Mon, 01 May 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/shadow-men/Here come the Men in Black *clap clap* They might just kill your dogtrillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14733/Sun, 16 Apr 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/aztec-rex/Conquistadors vs. Aztecs vs. T-rex, the historical battle royale nobody asked for!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14720/Mon, 03 Apr 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/sweet-justice/An elite all-female kickboxing squad wastes our time, and apparently dogs are poisonous now?trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14705/Mon, 20 Mar 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/dark-universe/An alien menace in the Everglades, and Joe Estevez sucks at lying about spaceship crashes!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14691/Sun, 05 Mar 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/doubleo-kid-haim/Corey Haim faces off against roller hockey gangs and computer chess viruses of doom!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14675/Sun, 19 Feb 2017 03:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/submerged-seagal/Steven Seagal mumbles and glares his way through a gauntlet of unnecessary cuts and zooms.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14660/Sat, 04 Feb 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/christian-mingle/A holy trainwreck of product placement, bland romance, and incredible gluttony!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14647/Sat, 21 Jan 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/titanic-legend-goes/Rapping dogs, mariachi mice, massive copyright infringement? Must be another Italian Titanic anime!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14635/Sat, 07 Jan 2017 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/chain-command-dudikoff/Michael Dudikoff, R. Lee Ermey, and akimbo slow-motion M16s in the oil-rich kingdom of Fakeistan!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14609/Sat, 17 Dec 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/ice-traci-lords/Traci Lords goes on a journey of vengeance and squibs while making the same stupid face constantly.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14594/Sun, 04 Dec 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/america-3000/Finally, the female Gorean post-apocalyptic sci-fi fantasy movie that nobody was asking for!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14576/Sat, 19 Nov 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/the-tower-reiser/An epic battle of half-wits between Paul Reiser and a malevolent office building!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14561/Sat, 05 Nov 2016 03:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/howling-3-marsupials/The scariest movie you could possibly watch this Halloween. No really. Up yours Australia!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14545/Sat, 22 Oct 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/splatter-university/Come for the lazy slasher killing spree, stay for the world's worst sociology lecturer!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14532/Sat, 08 Oct 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/hot-boyz/What do Gary Busey, Master P, Snoop Dogg, and Jeff Speakman have in common? We have no fucking idea.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14515/Sat, 24 Sep 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/total-reality-bradley/Travel back to the '80s with an American Ninja to stop a self-help book from destroying the Earth!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14501/Sat, 10 Sep 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/seagal-out-reach/1/Ex-Post Office secret agent Steven Seagal shoots his way through Poland while wheezing heavilytrillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14483/Sat, 27 Aug 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/war-between-planets/Rod Jackson and his team of Italian astronaut puppets fight to stop Planet Gluten at all costs!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14467/Sat, 13 Aug 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/revelation-fahey/A dubious allegorical romp through a Fahey-filled world of Christly hackers and eyeliner tattoo!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14451/Sat, 30 Jul 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/lifes-jungle/A dandy fop dog gets a rhino piss party and ant enema in the Jungle. Weldcome to Hell.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14436/Sat, 16 Jul 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/treasure-four-crowns/1/Mission: Unwatchable, now in glorious Italian 3D!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14404/Sun, 19 Jun 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/sorceress-1982-corman/Ever seen a movie the Director and Producer both took their names off in disgust? Neither have we.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14379/Sat, 04 Jun 2016 02:30:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/cyberjack-dudikoff/1/Welcome to the interactive movie experience of the cyber-future!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14363/Sat, 21 May 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/breeders-1997/Join us and Boston PD's finest in the subterranean collegiate aqueducts of unconsensual alien love!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14347/Sat, 07 May 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/endangered-species/Finally, an answer to the question: "what if Predator 2 starred Eric Roberts and was way stupider?"trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14332/Sun, 24 Apr 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/beastmaster2-portal-time/A time-traveling wizard takes us on a mystical journey to the Star Trek IV of Barbarian movies!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14316/Sat, 09 Apr 2016 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/stranded-black-horizon/Welcome to a space station where every room has glass windows, and your only hope of escape is Ice-Ttrillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14303/Sat, 26 Mar 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/witchboard-2-ouija/Experience the sheer terror of ouija boards and ghost dyslexia!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14278/Sat, 12 Mar 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/aliens-wild-west/Alien sasquatches invade the Old West, brought to you by the makers of the infamous Shapeshifter!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14264/Sun, 28 Feb 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/fire-from-below/Kevin Sorbo leads the most nonsensitardical "oh no, deadly weather" flick since Absolute Zero!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14248/Sat, 13 Feb 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/awful-awards-2016/Take a look back with us at some of the best and worst awful movie moments of 2015!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14230/Sun, 31 Jan 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/t-force-1994/In memory of Alan Rickman, please enjoy a shot-for-shot ripoff of Die Hard.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14220/Sat, 16 Jan 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/hard-kill-seagal/I’m gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent...to the blood bank.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14204/Sat, 02 Jan 2016 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/thor-the-conqueror/Come journey with Thor the Italian barbarian as he discovers the woman and the horse!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14188/Sat, 19 Dec 2015 02:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/marriage-retreat/Jesus teaches us all that a good marriage is a worthless unfunny turd we should stomp on.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14172/Sat, 05 Dec 2015 01:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/amazing-wizard-paws/Child wizard Bobby and his talking dog face off against the dark wizard Molestro!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14155/Sat, 21 Nov 2015 03:00:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/uninvited-1988/A stowaway house cat fueled by rage and tainted waffle mix goes on an '80s party yacht murder spree!trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14137/Sat, 07 Nov 2015 02:30:00 GMThttp://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/death-bed-1977/A timeless masterpiece of cinéma rétardé.trillaphon@somethingawful.com (Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil)http://www.somethingawful.com/a/14118/Sat, 24 Oct 2015 01:30:00 GMT