Mon, 13 Feb 2012 11:30:00 +0000 The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/index.php en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/index.php 144 42 zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/reddit-bins-kiddies.php The complete saga of the SA Forums and their crusade against reddit's child porn. Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/reddit-bins-kiddies.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/parents-conversation-coveralls.php Hey, kiddo. Mind if we come in? Your mom and I would like to have a little chat with you. It's... an announcement? No, I suppose that's not the right word for it. Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/parents-conversation-coveralls.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (@Reificant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/reificant-liminal-states.php The story of the Reificant continues as its civilization falls into ruin. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/reificant-liminal-states.php bobservo@somethingawful.com (Anonymous Husband) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/extreme-couponing-husband.php Examine the other side of an extreme couponing partnership, straight from the husband's mouth. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/extreme-couponing-husband.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dear-mayor-pirates.php Dear Mr. Mayor, I've been trying very hard to see the positives of having a crew of murderous ghost pirates sailing around town in a ship that can move through solid objects and cannot be damaged by bullets. I've thought long and I've thought hard, Mr. Mayor. The simple fact is I don't see any good coming out of this situation. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dear-mayor-pirates.php davidthorpe@somethingawful.com (Dr. David Thorpe) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/shaggy-butte-festival.php Its almost that time of year again, Shaggy Butters: the 19th annual Downtown Dreams Festival will be taking over the Shaggy Butte Plaza! As always, weve got a stellar schedule of fine art, food, local vendors, rock music and fun. Best of all, weve got the best lineup of big-ticket headliners Downtown Dreams has ever seen. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/shaggy-butte-festival.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/romney-olympics-stop.php Mitt Romney is given a crash course in shutting the hell up about saving the 2002 Winter Olympics. Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/romney-olympics-stop.php salmonseason@somethingawful.com (Ian "Salmon Season" Golding) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/football-corn-chip.php This is a foot ball party the way it is supposed to be celebrated. We have season two of Frasier and enough corn chips that you won't even notice my moles ones. Sun, 05 Feb 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/football-corn-chip.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/beat-football-team.php Start the fight by running along a wall in slow motion and kicking one guy in the face. Try to get his head to spin around and spray a fine mist of sweat into the air. Land with your back to everyone else, slowly turning your head to smirk over your shoulder. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/beat-football-team.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (@Reificant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/reificant-battle-spire.php Let the Reificant's story be a warning. Let its fall prevent your own. Fri, 03 Feb 2012 05:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/reificant-battle-spire.php coachthunderbeard@gmail.com (Joshua "Thunderbeard" Pugh) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/devil-georgia-court.php YOUR ACCUSATIONS HAVE GUARANTEED YOUR DESTRUCTION, ATTORNEY!!! I WILL CRUSH YOUR BODY BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF MY HELLISH LEGS!!! I WILL PERCH UPON YOUR TWISTED CORPSE AND PICK THROUGH YOUR BURSTING ABDOMEN! I'LL SWALLOW THE BONES OF YOUR LEGS AND VOMIT THEM UPON THE FACES OF YOUR CHILDREN! IN HORROR THE JURY WILL WATCH AS I *Order in the Court!!* Thu, 02 Feb 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/devil-georgia-court.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/skymall-komfort-kollar.php Pros: Extremely comfortable memory foam support helps you relax on long trips. Cons: Sharp hooks inside cushion dig into neck and become locked around jugular. Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/skymall-komfort-kollar.php docevil@somethingawful.com (Jon "@fart" Hendren) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/become-dildo-baron.php I don't know a thing about business, but I think I know an idea when I see it! Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/become-dildo-baron.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/cancelled-tv-shows.php Celebrate the demise of Work It with a look back at some of our favorite short-lived TV shows. Mon, 30 Jan 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/cancelled-tv-shows.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (The Rogue Magician) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/magic-trick-secret.php I wear a black ski mask at all times to hide my face. I carry a symbolic broken magic wand. My velvet cape has a large icon sewn across the back, a red circle with a line through it superimposed over a rabbit being removed from a top hat. They will never find me. Sat, 28 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/magic-trick-secret.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (MorgellonsMom) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/morgellons-debunked-vaccines.php MorgellonsMom has a daughter with Morgellons and a family wracked with vaccine-related illness and she will not be silenced by the CDC. Fri, 27 Jan 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/morgellons-debunked-vaccines.php bobservo@somethingawful.com (The Gingrich Foundation for Negro Advancement) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/gingrich-black-economics.php Newt Gingrich extends a chubby hand to a race so desperately in need of his help. Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/gingrich-black-economics.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/proper-dog-names.php Over the years I have made it my personal mission to improve the quality of dog names in the world. I invite you now to view my list of proper dog names, and steal from it for your own personal dog-naming needs. Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/proper-dog-names.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Jedidiah "Jed" Kirchner) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/zombie-plans-skewed.php Love messes with our brains, thats a fact. Do you really want your judgment impaired in a life or undead situation? Or someone flirting with you when youre trying to focus on not being zombie chow? Sorry to my secret admirers, but romance has no place in my zombie plan. Tue, 24 Jan 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/zombie-plans-skewed.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/jlist-female-spray.php Lunch is ruined by the contents of a box of unusual condiments from Japan. Mon, 23 Jan 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/jlist-female-spray.php salmonseason@somethingawful.com (Ian "Salmon Season" Golding) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/tamagotchi.php This is Kerotchi and he needs your help. Left beside a cassette of OMCs hit single How Bizarre, he waited for a neglectful owner to never return. For 15 years, Kerotchi was forgotten without [FEED] and forced to [PLAY] where he [TOILET]. Sun, 22 Jan 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/tamagotchi.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/batman-movie-reboot.php With this summer's Dark Knight Rises, Christopher Nolan's take on Batman comes to an end. I humbly present my ideas for the reboot which is sure to follow. For instance, Two-Face Face-Off Face Race: Trading Faces. Sat, 21 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/batman-movie-reboot.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/euphemisms-blogging-web.php A series of helpful euphemisms for you to use to describe your blogging activities. Fri, 20 Jan 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/euphemisms-blogging-web.php jedjed78@hotmail.com (Hans Appleman) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/oleg-subway-twitter.php Boss nephew oleg is the anti worker antagonist. Thu, 19 Jan 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/oleg-subway-twitter.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/suicide-van-reviews.php Check out Munchr. for reviews of Aftertaste and other great hangouts from users just like you! Wed, 18 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/suicide-van-reviews.php docevil@somethingawful.com (Jon "@fart" Hendren) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/twitter-dregs.php Contrary to popular belief, the real Katt Williams is not writing shitty jokes on Twitter all day. Tue, 17 Jan 2012 07:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/twitter-dregs.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/robot-pitbulls-crush.php One man argues that other models of droid are just as dangerous as his PB-11 helper droid. Mon, 16 Jan 2012 05:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/robot-pitbulls-crush.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/stealth-bomber-budget.php Things are going well. Maybe you got a new job, or you received a few gift cards for Christmas, or you finally decided to cut the cable tv cord and get all your shows and movies online. Now you have some disposable income in your pocket, and suddenly that stealth bomber you've always wanted is within your price range. Sat, 14 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/stealth-bomber-budget.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/video-game-doom.php Will a technological singularity create a new intelligence or will we die farting up our sweatpants and playing Call of Duty? Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/video-game-doom.php bobservo@somethingawful.com (Bob "BobServo" Mackey) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/home-alone-trials.php The true face of child-based slapstick is an ugly one indeed. Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/home-alone-trials.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/loud-yelling-guy.php Let It Be Known That Royt Gingerwich Has Mastered the Art of Loud Yelling & Intends to Demonstrate His Remarkable Talent to Everybody Within Earshot. Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/loud-yelling-guy.php davidthorpe@somethingawful.com (Dr. David Thorpe) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/district-bulletin-dead.php In the days when we had no god, we did not know what death brung. But now we have Swimp, and we are content to die: we will join our cuddle-soft cutie bunny on the moon forever. We will romp and play, and sour clams will be unlimited and Swimp will open their tins for us. Every person will be there, except Dorroile. Tue, 10 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/district-bulletin-dead.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/american-girl-doll.php I am a 1/16th Cherokee Indian Dad's Rights crusader and I resent the way you have treated me as a second class citizen when I visited American Girl Place in Chicago this weekend. Mon, 09 Jan 2012 05:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/american-girl-doll.php salmonseason@somethingawful.com (Ian "Salmon Season" Golding) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/apartment-water-heater.php I know what youre thinking. Youre thinking man, that sounds just like theres a rabbit drowning in that water heater. But youre wrong, buddy, I mean, if there were really a rabbit inside your water heater, it would have drowned already or in the very least been boiled alive, right? Sun, 08 Jan 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/apartment-water-heater.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/hardcore-gaming-products.php After three bottles of Game Fuel, I noticed an improvement in my ability to eat ghosts and get high scores. I also noticed the sensation of my heart feeling cold and slowing down while my skin went numb all over. Sat, 07 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/hardcore-gaming-products.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/santorum-hates-sex.php Rick Santorum is a likable, down-home, real American guy who is terrified of and really mad about sex. Fri, 06 Jan 2012 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/santorum-hates-sex.php wormmiller@gmail.com (Worm Miller) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/golan-xmas-massacre.php I have since learned that your Santa Claus is a strange pacification prank you play on your young, and not actually a worshiped god, but as a stranger in your stank dimension, you can doubtlessly understand why I took your Claus to be some fashion of minor deity when I saw a throng of people gathered before him on his blood-red velvetted throne. Thu, 05 Jan 2012 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/golan-xmas-massacre.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Vice President Joe Biden) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/joe-biden-investigation.php I trust your discretion. I know the Obama Campaign has been asking a lot lately. Believe me, we wouldn't ask if the stakes weren't so high. Wed, 04 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/joe-biden-investigation.php docevil@somethingawful.com (Jon "@fart" Hendren) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/i-have-beef.php Some blog's telling me I got a problem with some computer dude? Tue, 03 Jan 2012 07:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/i-have-beef.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/liminal-states-announcement.php If you enjoyed my fiction in the past, you may enjoy the weird, disgusting world of my new novel, LIMINAL STATES. Mon, 02 Jan 2012 06:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/liminal-states-announcement.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dota-guide-valve.php The tower is death. The tower is divine retribution for all of the mistakes you've made in your life, from thinking it would be cool wear a scorpion jacket like Ryan Gosling's character in Drive to thinking it would be a good idea to go near the tower. Sat, 31 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dota-guide-valve.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/north-korea-insanity.php Kim Jong Un moves to consolidate his support in North Korea by announcing a new Five-Year Plan. Fri, 30 Dec 2011 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/north-korea-insanity.php bobservo@somethingawful.com (The Ron Paul Newsletter Archives) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/ron-paul-newsletter.php The esteemed Dr. Paul gives advice on how to avoid the most debilitating of deserved diseases. Thu, 29 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/ron-paul-newsletter.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/skymall-cobra-reviews.php It's just lovely, and the design goes great with most of my shorts and vests. Cobra walking sticks are great conversation starters and women are very attracted to the men who utilize them. Wed, 28 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/skymall-cobra-reviews.php davidthorpe@somethingawful.com (Dr. David Thorpe) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/family-christmas-memo.php As the primary executive of this family, it is my duty to keep abreast of the morale of its constituents. Your attitudes of sullenness and ingratitude did not escape my notice; to clear up any dissatisfaction with my execution of the holiday, allow me to compile all available data and provide an objective assessment of all gifts given/received. Tue, 27 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/family-christmas-memo.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Felix Richter, Age 8) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/santa-claus-failure.php A child demands Santa Claus correct his failures. Mon, 26 Dec 2011 04:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/santa-claus-failure.php salmonseason@somethingawful.com (Ian "Salmon Season" Golding) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/pinterest-christmas.php Youve got a hangover, three dollars, and fifteen minutes to get to grandmas. Need gifts in a hurry? No problem. Its craft time. Sun, 25 Dec 2011 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/pinterest-christmas.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/fantasy-food-descriptions.php Do you love the fantasy genre? Are you tired of laboring through hundreds of pages of world building and plot to get to your favorite parts, where characters eat, or think about eating, or look at food? Do you ever wish you could get right to the good stuff? Sat, 24 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/fantasy-food-descriptions.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/kmart-layaway-items.php Find out what all those "Layaway Santas" have been buying for people at Kmart. Fri, 23 Dec 2011 05:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/kmart-layaway-items.php lowtax@somethingawful.com (Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/modern-warfare3-dlc.php An exclusive look at the new maps, skills, and features in Modern Warfare 3's upcoming DLC! Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/modern-warfare3-dlc.php