Wed, 24 Jun 2009 05:00:00 +0000 The Rom Pit is dedicated to reviewing the most bizarre and screwed up classic console games from the 1980's, the ones that made you wonder what kind of illegal substances the programmers were smoking when they worked on them. Strangely enough, the same illegal substances are often necessary to enjoy or make sense of most of these titles. No horrible Nintendo game is safe from the justice of the ROM Pit. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/index.php en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/index.php 144 42 raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/barbie-vacation-adventure.php "Barbie Vacation Adventure" is another old video game that was not very good. This means I have to play it or my family starves. Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/barbie-vacation-adventure.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/castle-dragon.php Teenage girls, the homosexual agenda, and DARKLARZA making love to your significant other. All in a week's ROM Pit. Wed, 17 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/castle-dragon.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/chiller-nes.php "Chiller" for the NES was famous for being really gory, although not too famous because I'd never heard of it. Oh, how I long for those days. Wed, 10 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/chiller-nes.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/legacy-wizard.php "Legacy of the Wizard" for the NES was intentionally designed to fuck you off! Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/legacy-wizard.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/family-dog.php "Family Dog" for the SNES teaches us not to abuse animals, because then they might star in their own platformer and flail about, ruining everyone's fun! Wed, 27 May 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/family-dog.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/clash-demonhead.php For this week only, Raptor Red puts a bunch of goddamn .pngs in your ROM Pit! Because "Clash at Demonhead" does not deserve words. Wed, 20 May 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/clash-demonhead.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Courtney, age 11) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/lost-word-jenny.php This week, the ROM Pit gives us a look into the lives of two young gamer girls as Courtney and her BFF Heather review "The Lost Word of Jenny." Wed, 13 May 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/lost-word-jenny.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/jaws-nes-crazy.php The ROM Pit reviews "Jaws," a 1987 title for the Nintendo Entertainment System so bizarre that we started rooting for the shark. Wed, 06 May 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/jaws-nes-crazy.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/princess-tomato-salad.php There are people who say "Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom" was a good video game. There are also people who say the Holocaust never happened, but that doesn't make it right. Wed, 29 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/princess-tomato-salad.php khad@somethingawful.com (Steve "Khad" Grant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/coolworldsucks.php Every single time a game is based on a movie, it sucks ass. This is no different. Sat, 25 Apr 2009 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/coolworldsucks.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/dynowarz-spondylus.php The ROM Pit Reviews "DYNOWARZ: Destruction of Spondylus," a 1989 Nintendo game that has been scientifically proven to be the most immature concept ever to exist. Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/dynowarz-spondylus.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/waldo-pictures.php Words are hard. That's why this week's ROM Pit is all pictures, all the time! It's also because "Where's Waldo?" is too terrible to review and Raptor Red is a lazy cunt. Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/waldo-pictures.php khad@somethingawful.com (Steve "Khad" Grant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/mariotimemachine.php This one should be somewhat familiar. If not, go to hell. Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/mariotimemachine.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/trolls-treasureisland-octavio.php The worst thing about "Trolls on Treasure Island" is not that it's about a god-awful 1990s franchise, or even that this 1992 NES title has graphics that look like an Atari with extra chromosomes. No, the worst thing about "Trolls" is simply Octavio. He is also the besthing. Wed, 08 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/trolls-treasureisland-octavio.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/sonic2-horrible.php Even though the ROM Pit doesn't want to dampen the enthusiasm for the awesome "Sonic and the Black Knight," it's time we unleash our justice on an unfortunate mistake along the way: the deplorable "Sonic the Hedgehog 2." Think it was a good game? Prepare to have your world torn down. Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/sonic2-horrible.php khad@somethingawful.com (Steve "Khad" Grant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/pacmaneatsbutt.php I never liked PacMan and this game sure a hell didn't change my mind. I honestly have no idea where these long descriptions show up and I think I am typing this for no reason. Sat, 28 Mar 2009 01:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/pacmaneatsbutt.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/back-future-ii.php The ROM Pit reviews the video game incarnation of Back to the Future II, and subsequently realizes that every goddamn NES game is a ripoff of 2-3 other NES games that managed not to suck. Wed, 25 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/back-future-ii.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/little-red-hood.php Come to the glorious jungles of Taiwain with "Little Red Hood," a game which takes the wolf out of the classic fairy tale and replaces it with creepy child molestors. And stairs. Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/little-red-hood.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/godzilla-monster.php Raptor Red is unhappy about playing a shitty NES game about Godzilla. Her tears are sad. Sad, and tired. Wed, 11 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/godzilla-monster.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/bronkie-asthma-dinosaur.php "Bronkie the Bronchiosaurus" is an SNES game about dinosaurs with asthma. No, really. Wed, 04 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/bronkie-asthma-dinosaur.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/robodemons.php "Robodemons" was made by Color Dreams Inc, which is technically the same company that made "Bible Adventures" and other Jesus-tinged lore. Funny how their descend into hell is no more palatable! Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/robodemons.php khad@somethingawful.com (Steve "Khad" Grant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/xperts.php I know that games for the Rom Pit are supposed to be bad but this one takes the cake. Terrorist cake. Wed, 18 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/xperts.php khad@somethingawful.com (Steve "Khad" Grant) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/spacemeat.php Ah... 1993... Back then I was just a wee child stuck in a mountain town in North Carolina. We had a savage blizzard that knocked out the electricity for days. My dad shoveled the nearly 100 yard driveway to get beer so he would not go Jack Nicholson ala Shining on our asses. Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/spacemeat.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/bill-ted-shit.php Did you own "Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure" as a kid?! Of course you didn't because then you'd still be wandering around a bitmap somewhere! Wed, 28 Jan 2009 11:30:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/bill-ted-shit.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/taz-mania.php Somebody rated "Taz Mania" 7.7 out of 10. This person needs to be hunted down and eaten. Wed, 21 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/taz-mania.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/rambo-nes.php "Rambo" for the Nintendo Entertainment System is an excellent game if you like MANLY things! Except it's not because the only manly thing involved in it is an extremely tight manass. Hooray! Wed, 14 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/rambo-nes.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/wwf-wrestlemania-nes.php The 1988 Nintendo game "WWF Wrestlemania" was basically everyone slobbing Hulk Hogan's knob. Please don't think about that in too much detail. Wed, 07 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/wwf-wrestlemania-nes.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/bill-laimbeer.php Did you know there was a video game for the Super Nintendo so EXTREME it only needed one button? HOLY FUCKIN RADICAL. Wed, 31 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/bill-laimbeer.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/caveman-games.php Why the hell were there so many video games about cavemen? Dinosaurs are awesome, but there is no fucking excuse for this. Wed, 17 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/caveman-games.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/belles-quest.php Everyone knows Girls Don't Play Video Games. But with shit like "Beauty and the Beast: Belle's Quest" aimed at their demographic, can you blame us? Wed, 10 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/belles-quest.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/foton-ultimate-universe.php Do you enjoy running around in dark tunnels, hopeless, confused, and without purpose? Well that's probably what your entire life is like, but that doesn't mean Foton: The Ultimate Game on Planet Earth wasn't a terrible, terrible idea! In fact, this game is so far the CROWN JEWEL OF THE ROM PIT. Hooray! Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/foton-ultimate-universe.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/tiny-toons-nes.php "Tiny Toon Adventures" was a Saturday morning cartoon that many a regressed manchild can't let go of. I let go of the cartridge for the video game adaption rather forcefully, and happened to drop it under a pile of bricks! Ooops! Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/tiny-toons-nes.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/adventures-dino-riki.php Last week, we claimed that "Ninja Kid" defined the clusterfuck. With "The Adventures of Dino Riki," we've changed our minds. The ROM Pit is the gift that just keeps giving! Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/adventures-dino-riki.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/ninja-kid.php Raptor Red should be writing her 9000 billion papers. Instead, she spent a week playing a shitty anime game from 1986. Ninja Kid is so exciting, I could shoot myself! Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/ninja-kid.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/magic-schoolbus.php Finally, Raptor Red has manned up and reviewed a game she actually liked as a kid. Replaying 1995's "The Magic Schoolbus" has sent her into fits of self-loathing. Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/magic-schoolbus.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/muppet-adventure-carnival.php The Muppets were great! "Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival" was not great! It's a horribly inept game based on puppets from 1990. The hell do you expect? Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/muppet-adventure-carnival.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Robert) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/spellcraft-drug-trip.php This is a review of the SNES video game "Spellcraft," but it is also a heartrending story of a young boy who turned to drugs and virginity to ease his pain. Please, don't do drugs. Wed, 22 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/spellcraft-drug-trip.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/dragon-power-ball.php Raptor Red reviews "Dragon Power," which is actually "Dragon Ball" but -brace yourself- somehow even shittier. Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/dragon-power-ball.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/popeye-arcade.php "Popeye" is a terrible video game and I have no idea how I played it, let alone stretched it into an article. But this GRRRL writer totally POSTED PIXXX in it!!!1 Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/popeye-arcade.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/arm-joe-miserables.php Did you know there's a Street Fighter clone based on Les Miserables? Yes, I mean Victor Hugo's novel of turmoil during the French Revolution, and the subsequent musical. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to inform you. Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/arm-joe-miserables.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/wurm-journey.php "Wurm: Journey to the Center of the Earth" is another bad video game from the early 90s that is slowly weakening my will to live. God, when the fuck does this shit stop? Wed, 24 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/wurm-journey.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/werewolf-last-warrior.php This is a review of "Werewolf: The Last Warrior" for the original Nintendo Entertainment System. I fucking congratulate it, because it's the first ROM ever to genuinely fill my heart with hate. Wed, 17 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/werewolf-last-warrior.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/hello-kitty-flower.php Something Awful's ROM Pit reviews "Hello Kitty's Flower Shop," a game for kids that's so much fun it never saw the light of day in English! Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/hello-kitty-flower.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/awesome-possum.php SomethingAwful's ROM Pit reviews Awesome Possum, a Sonic ripoff that demands you save the environment OR ELSE ITS PROTAGONIST WON'T FUCKING SHUT UP. Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/awesome-possum.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/mission-impossible-nes.php SomethingAwful's ROM Pit reviews Mission: Impossible for the NES. What could be more fantastic than explosions, tedium, and racism?! Wed, 27 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/mission-impossible-nes.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Reynaldo P. Mallenfritz, Creative Department) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/nes-swamp-thing.php Reynaldo P. Mellenfritz takes over the ROM Pit for a day to pitch his FANTASTIC video game idea, "Swamp Thing." Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/nes-swamp-thing.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/big-nose-caveman.php SomethingAwful's ROM Pit reviews "Bignose the Caveman," a game showcasing such stupidity that Intelligent Design and Evolution both gave up and joined a suicide cult together. Let's have a peek! Wed, 13 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/big-nose-caveman.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/mcdonalds-treasureland.php "McDonalds Treasureland Adventure" shocks by being an advertisement game that is... actually pretty fun. It also turns SomethingAwful's ROM Pit writer into a gibbering, sociopathic monster. Wed, 06 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/mcdonalds-treasureland.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/golgo-13.php "Golgo 13" is an absolutely horrendous game about secret agents and animes. The ROM Pit brings you the pain on a silver platter. Wed, 30 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/golgo-13.php raptorred@somethingawful.com (Eileen "Raptor Red" Stahl) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/robin-prince-thieves.php In case "Swing Vote" wasn't enough of a reason to make you hate Kevin Costner, here's a disgusting NES game based on "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," reviewed by the ROM Pit! Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/robin-prince-thieves.php