Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:00 +0000 A hardy sampling of the dogs available for free or for purchase through your local newspaper classified ads. If you ever need to adopt a faithful canine companion, look no further. en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png 144 42 livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds.php LARGE CUBE OF DOGS. I have over 160 canines stacked and arranged in a very specific way so as to all fit in a single room. Buyer must purchase and move entire collection and room. No exceptions. $3,000,000. 555-4218 Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds2.php DREAM DOG SOUGHT: had dream where dog stood on polygonal plane in front of pyramid surrounded by pillars of neon light and barked strange symbols. Think dog may have had tank treads instead of legs. 555-7802 Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds2.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds3.php D-76 HELLHOUND ANTIAIRCRAFT DOG. Side-mounted missile batteries allow dog to rapidly unleash 12 laser-guided missiles at enemy targets. Built-in radar capable of detecting most aircraft. $750k. 555-1023 Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds3.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds4.php GRAVITATIONALLY STRONG DOG: large dog has 9 smaller dogs locked in constant elliptical orbit. Witness the exotic beauty of the cosmos dance before your eyes. Closest one has decaying orbit, so watch out. $650. 555-2321 Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds4.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds5.php SWOOP SWOOP! Helicopter dog features real set of rotor blades on rig extending from back. Capable of flight. A slight side effect is that he's also capable of accidental decapitations when he gets excited and comes flying at you. 555-0522 Wed, 30 Dec 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds5.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds6.php FOR SALE: TWO GREYHOUNDS. Dogs are not capable of running anymore after I tried experiment of tethering them to a racehorse in hopes of inventing real life podracing. Horse was too fast and dogs couldn't keep up, but couldn't stop either. Call for price. 555-8230 Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds6.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds7.php AFTER 11 PROFOUND YEARS of loving friendship, my dog Gustavo is leaving me. He has insisted I write this ad, as he would like to live with somebody "who listens and truly hears." I don't know why he is doing this to me. Please forgive my crying when you call. 555-2589 Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds7.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds8.php DUCK-HERDING DOG is out of control. Every day she herds more and more ducks into my yard, such that I am now trapped inside. Ducks are angry and won't stop quacking. Running out of food. Please take dog, please. 555-2388 Wed, 19 May 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds8.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds9.php FOR SALE: ONE CORNDOG. I'm a simple farmer and this "corndog" was not at all what I expected. You damn city folk have swindled me again. Make an offer, damnit. I ain't got all day. 555-0429 Wed, 23 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds9.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/god-classifieds.php PANTHEON OF GODS. Have gods of agriculture, swamps and creeks, haberdashery and parties. Selling entire lot together, so don't even try to split 'em up. Pantheon sold separately. Need to make room for One True God. 555-9237 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/god-classifieds.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/kid-classifieds.php DEMONIC CHILD has the power to make pets commit suicide. Caused cat to gorge herself to death on own hair, and our beloved dog to bury himself alive. Otherwise very friendly, gets good grades. Great for pet-free home. 555-9528 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/kid-classifieds.php davidthorpe@somethingawful.com (Dr. David Thorpe) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/pet-classifieds.php SUPERB OWL acquired two days ago due to a misprinted party invitation. Tried one wing with buffalo sauce; meaty but too gamy. 555-4682 Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/pet-classifieds.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/lots-of-stuff.php FREE SUBMARINE! Kid-sized submarine opens doorway to amazing adventures. Don't tell your kids it's just a barrel with a window on it-- they won't know the difference! Works great in lakes, rivers, oceans, etc. Has hook for tying rope to so you don't lose it. 555-8288 Wed, 08 Dec 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/lots-of-stuff.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/pantheons-of-gods.php HORRIBLE JERK GOD won't let me shave my beard. It's gotten so long I'm tripping over the damn thing. I can't even groom or make it more manageable. Will trade my beard-nazi god for one who appreciates a clean shave or maybe even provides free laser-hair removal. 555-2911 Wed, 29 Dec 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/pantheons-of-gods.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/rooms-for-rent.php CARNIVAL FUNHOUSE been nigh on 30 years since the carnival closed. Mirror maze available to tenant with strong constitution. Lots of wasps swarming in there and it's hard to tell which ones are real and which ones are reflections. $1200/month for unit pending thorough credit check. 555-9239 Wed, 02 Feb 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/rooms-for-rent.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds10.php FOR SALE: DOG PIATA. Kleptomaniac dog ate all my candy, then promptly expired. Need to recoup my investment, so please buy him as is, filled with over three pounds of mixed candies. 555-1162 Wed, 09 Mar 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds10.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/more-rooms-rent.php LIVE THE HIGH LIFE! Luxurious apartment, plenty of space, amazing in every way except for one tiny flaw: it is a second-story unit and there is no floor. Don't ask, just rent. 555-2983 Wed, 13 Apr 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/more-rooms-rent.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds11.php WHISTLING DOG - carries a tune with perfect pitch and sits there endlessly staring, endlessly whistling "the Farmer in the Dell," endlessly staring, never breaking eye contact, just whistles, just stares, whistles, stares. 555-7255 Wed, 15 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds11.php livestock@somethingawful.com (Josh "Livestock" Boruff) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds12.php GENUINE DOG EGGS are yours for the low price of $50 each. Put 'em in your incubator and watch adorable puppies pop out. Not my fault if they look like lizards. 555-8257 Wed, 05 Dec 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/dog-classifieds12.php