Sat, 27 Jun 2009 05:00:00 +0000 The cutting edge of video game articles. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/index.php en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/index.php 144 42 ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/arma-rock-band.php I've never played the original ArmA. I don't even know what the title means, but I'm pretty sure it's short for Armed Army. (EDIT: A helpful reader corrected me, it's actually an abbreviation of Arm A) Sat, 27 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/arma-rock-band.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/prototype-dick-mercer.php I run up the face of the largest building in the city, leap backwards, and let myself fall. The wind assaults me with the force of a tidal wave on a storm-battered shore. My hoodie never wavers. Sat, 13 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/prototype-dick-mercer.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sims-infamous-powers.php Electricity is the solution to every problem you encounter in inFAMOUS which cannot be resolved through the use of random capitalization. Sat, 30 May 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sims-infamous-powers.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nukem-hawk-controller.php This week we take a break from VGA's regular format to cover the tragic end of 3D Realms and the newly-unveiled controller peripheral for Tony Hawk's Ride. Sat, 16 May 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nukem-hawk-controller.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/wizard-mmo-text.php Join thousands of fellow brave adventurers in the world's first Massively Multiplayer Single Character Role Playing Game as you cooperatively control Wizard, the only hero capable of saving the Realm from Boss and his loyal horde of Minions! Sat, 02 May 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/wizard-mmo-text.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/half-life-models.php Gordon Freeman's silent nerd schtick is iconic, but he was very nearly a bulky, bearded angry viking with a flat top. Read on to see what similar fates nearly befell the Half-Life series' supporting cast. Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/half-life-models.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/punch-out-tyson.php Mike Tyson's Punch Out! wasn't limited to pugilism and lilliputian player characters, it was also limited to useless banter between sweaty men with head injuries. Sat, 04 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/punch-out-tyson.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/hidden-food-characters.php Some see the virgin Mary in curly fries, we see Aeris in Mountain Dew stains. Come experience the visions that will make you believe that food can look like other things if you squint and are crazy. Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/hidden-food-characters.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/beta-test-feedback.php As the writer of a video game article so popular it actually shows up as the second result in a Google search for "Video Game Article", my opinions are something of a hot commodity. Not a day goes by without a beta test invite seeking insights that can turn even the dullest of turds into glistening piles of pungent success. Sat, 07 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/beta-test-feedback.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/root-beer-tapper.php Remembering the exceptional writing that made Root Beer Tapper one of gaming's classic titles for the ages. Sat, 21 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/root-beer-tapper.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/patch-dawn-war.php In addition to particle effects, added quark effects which cannot be seen even at the highest zoom level. We might have also implemented dark matter effects, but that's difficult to prove or disprove. Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/patch-dawn-war.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/ice-hockey-dialogue.php Ice Hockey for the NES was ahead of its time. It was simultaneously fun, nationalistic, and accurate in its portayal of athletes who were mordibly obese. It was also chock full of unfrogettable prose. Sat, 24 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/ice-hockey-dialogue.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/digg-bait-top.php Let it be known that we are for sale, and can fill the void left behind by failed game websites and publications immediately. We can adapt to any format, from news blog to extreme gaming lifestyle portal to tombstone epitath carvings. Sat, 10 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/digg-bait-top.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/year-end-award.php Once again we have arrived at a most magical time, when video game reviewers comb through hundreds of releases to pick the very best. You've been waiting all year for this moment, so let's get right to your nominees for the Video Game Article Year-End Award Logo Award! Sat, 27 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/year-end-award.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/playstation-home.php Home delivers so much more than marketing in the guise of social interaction - it also provides yet another layer of abstraction between you and the games you bought a video game system to play. Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/playstation-home.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/game-retail-stories.php Offenses - both real and imaginary - must be perceived with crystal clarity and stored in memory for future reference and embellishment, but not responded to in any meaningful way when they actually happen. Dragon shirts must be tucked into grey stonewash jeans. Sat, 29 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/game-retail-stories.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/left-dead-zombie.php Handy Tip: Shoot a zombie in the head for a quick takedown. Shoot a cigar out of a zombie's mouth for a round of applause. Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/left-dead-zombie.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fallout-patch-notes.php Removed a bug that was forcing the game into a first-person perspective. Everything should now be working just fine in the 2D sidescroller format that we intended. Sat, 01 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fallout-patch-notes.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nintendo-seal-quality.php In the NES days, the Nintendo Seal Of Quality was a badge of honor for games that had met a high standard of entertainment and production values. Today, it means you remembered to make players wave the Wiimote at some point in your Jonas Brothers game. Sat, 18 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nintendo-seal-quality.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fall-release-guide.php Welcome to the most hectic time of the year, when many of the most anticipated games begin their Russia vs. Georgia vs. Alaska-like war for holiday season shelf space. There are so many big names that it can be easy to lose one or two in the shuffle, so keep this guide handy. Sat, 04 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fall-release-guide.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/force-unleashed-powers.php In The Force Unleashed you take on the role of Galen Marek, Darth Vader's secret apprentice and force-sensitive Harlem Globetrotter with a repertoire of powers so extensive that the developers ran out of feasible button combinations to execute them. Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/force-unleashed-powers.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/men-magazine-review.php How do "gentleman's" magazines that are tailored to cool guy dude brahs review video games long before they come out? Why do they read like 2-paragraph press releases? Read on to find out that I have no idea. Sat, 06 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/men-magazine-review.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/denis-dyack-concerns.php Who's Denis Dyack? Picture Derek Smart with delusions of grandeur, his seething hatred for vending machines redirected at the gaming press. Like Oppenheimer before him, Dyack realizes that his bomb will change the course of human history. The man has many concerns about how his game will change the world. These are but a few. Sat, 23 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/denis-dyack-concerns.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/comic-con-cosplay.php As Comic Con continues to grow, the outfits displayed by cosplayers become more elaborate. In turn, our country becomes more deserving of the hatred of people in third world countries who can't afford to buy AIDS-free loincloths, much less a fully-functional Iron Man suit with a custom built 52-inch waist. Sat, 09 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/comic-con-cosplay.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/history-video-games.php For a whole generation of kids, the Atari 2600 that many of us grew up with seems every bit as ancient as one of those phonographs that had to be cranked for twelve minutes to hear thirty seconds of Thomas Edison humming. This comprehensive account of video game history is for them. Sat, 26 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/history-video-games.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/game-heaven-sins.php There shall come a time when you will pass from this world to stand before Denis Dyack, who sits in judgment of all souls. When he cracks open the Prima book of your time on Earth, the actions you've taken will determine whether you are granted entrance to video game heaven or doomed to an eternity with N-Gage ports of Superman 64 and Bad Day L.A. Sat, 12 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/game-heaven-sins.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/moratorium-bad-features.php This was supposed to be the next generation for console games, but all we have are slightly better-looking titles being undermined by horrible features. These are the concepts that need to go the way of Flagship Studios' credibility before we can truly move forward. Sat, 28 Jun 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/moratorium-bad-features.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/true-gaming-challenges.php For the brave souls who perished while trying to complete an entire season of NBA Live '95 without allowing an opposing team to score a single point, we present these True Gaming Challenges to the current generation of gamers who have been coddled by weak Xbox 360 Achievements. Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/true-gaming-challenges.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gta-patch-notes.php Rockstar North would like to thank you for purchasing Grand Theft Auto IV and doing your incredibly small part in the global effort to put a billion dollars into our bank account. Your continued support might just put that Stealth Bomber we've had our eye on within reach. Sat, 31 May 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gta-patch-notes.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/user-soapbox.php Among the many contributions that Gamespot has made to comedy, its User Soapbox takes the cake. The feature complies with Web 2.0 standards, which dictate that all websites that must incorporate user-created content that no one cares about aside from the people who create it. Sat, 17 May 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/user-soapbox.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/conan-patch-notes.php Welcome to the open beta for Age Of Conan, the MMO that brings Robert E. Howard's vision to life! New players can jump right into the game, but those of you who took part in the closed beta may wish to familiarize yourself with the changes that have been made in preparation for this open beta. Sat, 03 May 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/conan-patch-notes.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mutant-fantasy-football.php In our first installment of Games That Need To Be Made, Mutant League Football makes a not-so-triumphant return in a spreadsheet-laden title that's designed to appeal to fantasy football degenerates. Sat, 19 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mutant-fantasy-football.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/warcraft-epic-blunderbuss.php Something strange caught my eye as I looted my hundredth centaur of the afternoon. It was an epic rifle, a rarity in itself, but even more incredibly it was an item that had never been documented before. Behold the majesty of the Ol' Dirty Blunderbuss. Sat, 05 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/warcraft-epic-blunderbuss.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sims-3-expansion.php Find out what's in store for the third major installment of Wil Wright's little people simulator that could. In keeping with the series' spirit, I took a whole hour to write these two sentences while rocking from side to side excitedly, my mouth wide open. Sat, 22 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sims-3-expansion.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/homie-rollerz-strategy.php Sporting a look that screams "I refuse to be grouped in with broad stereotypes", Mac Daddy has an afro, gaudy jewelry, a pimp cup, and a superfluous cane. He makes the perfect choice for skilled players who have never personally come into contact with someone of another race. Sat, 08 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/homie-rollerz-strategy.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gdc-rock-band.php You've seen it before: Someone plays a "Nintendo" by pawing at a controller with the grace and precision of a virgin with Parkinson's fingering a girl for the first time while the bleeps and bloops from Asteroids pour out of the television's speakers. Now you can live the experience by matching your spastic movements with those of the actors! Sat, 23 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gdc-rock-band.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gamecock-agenda.php Gamecock, the wacky game publishers who get more press for their calculated antics than any game they've put out, sets its agenda for 2008. Sat, 09 Feb 2008 01:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gamecock-agenda.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-achievements.php Do those last few impossible-to-get achievements in Team Fortress 2 haunt you every time you log in? In a blatant ripoff of Photoshop Phriday, this week we're featuring goon-created TF2 achievements that pretty much any player could get. Sat, 26 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-achievements.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mega-box-art.php Although the box art from the North American release of Mega Man is infamous, not much is known about the artist's further works. Did he ever paint again? Have any other game boxes been graced with his work? We have the answers - and the pictures to prove it. Sat, 12 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mega-box-art.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-teaser.php What we learned from the Duke Nukem Forever teaser: Smoking cigars while lifting weights can have horrific side effects on your face and impair your ability to form cohesive one-liners. Sat, 29 Dec 2007 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-teaser.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/holiday-gift-guide.php Choosing the perfect gift for the gamer in your life can be difficult, so we put together a holiday gift guide with the hottest gifts that will make the gamer in your life "Quake"... not from "F.E.A.R.", but joy! And that's no "Fable"! "Duke Nukem Forever"! Sat, 15 Dec 2007 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/holiday-gift-guide.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-2.php The first installment of our Ass Effect comic raised just as many questions as it answered: None. There is absolutely no reason for the story to continue, but the same can also be said about my life so here's the thrilling conclusion to Ass Effect. Sat, 01 Dec 2007 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-2.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/super-mario-trivia.php With the possible exception of Roberto Benigni, Mario is the most popular fictional Italian in the world. To commemorate the release of Super Mario Galaxy and over 26 years of Mario, we've compiled some fascinating little-known facts about the portly plumber and his adventures in the Mushroom Kingdom. Sat, 17 Nov 2007 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/super-mario-trivia.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/street-fighter-sprite.php Now that Street Fighter 4 has officially been announced, I'm finally able to share the sprite work and inside information that my friend in Capcom's art department has been sending my way for months. I've been dying to share this stuff with you guys, so let's jump right in! Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/street-fighter-sprite.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/endangered-tony-hawk.php With ten titles in eight years, the Tony Hawk series has become stale while the refreshingly original Skate has won over a large audience. As an expert on all things stale, I'll offer some ideas that just might save the failing franchise. Sat, 20 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/endangered-tony-hawk.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/suicide-video-game.php Examining how someone can play games for so long that they actually die, and how you can do it too! Sat, 06 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/suicide-video-game.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-guide.php Team Fortress 2 is a fantastic mix of style, humor, action, strategy, and teamwork. I am incapable of any of these things. In fact, I haven't even played the game yet. That didn't stop me from writing this strategy guide, and it won't stop you from becoming much better at TF2 by reading it. Sat, 22 Sep 2007 12:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-guide.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fable-hype-molyneux.php While Peter Molyneux has been relatively silent over the features in Fable 2, we managed to scrounge up some of his most outrageous quotes that flew under the radar. Sat, 08 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fable-hype-molyneux.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/big-daddy-bioshock.php Bioshock's iconic Big Daddy was a favorite of gamers long before the title even had a solid release date. We explain the character's success and use the term "butter valve" for perhaps the first time in history. Sat, 25 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/big-daddy-bioshock.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-worlds.php Mass Effect boasts over 300 planets, bases, satellites, and stranded ships to explore, but how many of those locations are really worth visiting? Sat, 11 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-worlds.php