Sat, 11 May 2013 05:00:00 +0000 The cutting edge of video game articles. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/index.php en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/index.php 144 42 ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/warcraft-subscriptions-ouya.php World Of Warcraft only has 8.3 million subscribers, down from its peak of 12 million. Nine years after its release, it has ashamed everyone by only raking in most of the money in the world every month rather than all of it. Sat, 11 May 2013 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/warcraft-subscriptions-ouya.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/homeworld-gearbox-xbox.php We now know that Microsoft will hold an event to officially announce the next Xbox on May 21st. Well, technically we don't know that for sure. They could be announcing the return of Microsoft Bob. Sat, 27 Apr 2013 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/homeworld-gearbox-xbox.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/defiance-mmo-patch.php Defiance is a sci-fi third person RPG shooter with big insects and grubby clothes and ATVs that can be summoned at any time out of thin air, as God intended. Sat, 13 Apr 2013 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/defiance-mmo-patch.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-infinite-review.php BioShock Infinite has a clear vision, and that vision is brought to life with a world that's an absolute pleasure to gawk at while munching on stolen cotton candy and shaking your head at racists. Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-infinite-review.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/simcity-launch-date.php The launch of SimCity has been... interesting? Disastrous? Obvious to everyone at the exact moment they found out it was going to require a constant connection to EA's servers? Entirely avoidable? Let's go with interesting. Sat, 16 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/simcity-launch-date.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/assassin-eve-1up.php Get the latest details on Assassin's Creed IV, Eve Online's latest milestone, and say goodbye to 1UP.com. Sat, 02 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/assassin-eve-1up.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gearbox-pitchford-aliens.php If you were to claim that Aliens: Colonial Marines was a terrible mess of a game with very few redeeming qualities, I would wonder why you were being so generous Sat, 16 Feb 2013 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gearbox-pitchford-aliens.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/king-ben-kuchera.php Congratulations to Ben Kuchera of the Penny Arcade Report. When no one was paying attention, he ascended to the throne, assuming his rightful place as the King Of Good Games Journalism. His first act? To call for the ruination of another writer. Sat, 02 Feb 2013 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/king-ben-kuchera.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/game-championship-wrestling.php Why a clumsy match between AI controlled wrestlers might be the most fun thing you'll watch this week. Sat, 19 Jan 2013 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/game-championship-wrestling.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/ouya-minecraft-ps2.php It's our first news roundup of the year! Find out what's going on with the Ouya and the PS2, prepare for love in The Old Republic, and marvel at Minecraft's ability to sell a hobbled port of a three year old game to a shitload of people. Sat, 05 Jan 2013 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/ouya-minecraft-ps2.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/war-z-jerks.php The daring Nintendo robbery, Dark Souls II may or may not be for babies, The War Z guys are jerks that you should not give money to, and Forbes discovers the most amazing Kickstarter game to date. Sat, 22 Dec 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/war-z-jerks.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-far-cry.php We've scooped the competition! Months before anyone else will deliver their verdict, we rate BioShock Infinite in a review based entirely upon the game's cover! Sat, 08 Dec 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-far-cry.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Corin Tucker's Stalker) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/planetside-hitman-walking.php PlanetSide 2 launches, Wii U games get reviewed, and PC gamers who don't use gamepads for third person action games are bad, dumb people. Sat, 24 Nov 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/planetside-hitman-walking.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/one-paragraph-news.php VGA has been pretty uneven, so instead of mangling one idea in each installment we're going to cover several of the week's biggest news stories and screw them all up in unique ways. Sat, 10 Nov 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/one-paragraph-news.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nintendo-wiiu-gamepad.php Use the screen to lovingly examine the scalp of every athlete on your team. Tap to increase the zoom level as you pick through each hair follicle. Eat any ticks and grubs that you come across. Now your team is ready for the big game! Sat, 27 Oct 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nintendo-wiiu-gamepad.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/xcom-enemy-unknown.php Suppose the game had been approached with no regard for the original, every decision reached by appealing to the broadest audience possible. What would that have looked like? Sat, 13 Oct 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/xcom-enemy-unknown.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/review-torchlight-ii.php If it's inevitable that comparisons will be made between Torchlight II and the Diablo series once again, I might as well give it a shot: This is what Diablo 3 could have been if Blizzard had focused on fun just a little bit more. Sat, 29 Sep 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/review-torchlight-ii.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sarcastic-hero-shop.php Strutting into the cozy shop, the hero flashed an insincere smile and sighed. He shook his head while surveying the shelves that had been meticulously stocked. Gingerly plucking one item up with two fingers as if it was a poison-covered bugbear turd, he turned to the shopkeeper. Sat, 15 Sep 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sarcastic-hero-shop.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/kickstarter-peripheral-roundup.php The best part of Pizza 3000 is that it almost tastes like pizza and can be concealed under pretty much any hat when folded. Sat, 01 Sep 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/kickstarter-peripheral-roundup.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/guild-wars-unique.php Guild Wars 2 is almost here, and from what I've been able to play it seems like something special. The game feels very different, not only compared to the original Guild Wars, but in relation to pretty much every MMO out there. What sets it apart? Sat, 18 Aug 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/guild-wars-unique.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/skyrim-mod-request.php When butterflies in Skyrim can pass the Turing Test, I will be happy. I guess this might be more involved than a normal mod so you should probably have experience with html. Sat, 04 Aug 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/skyrim-mod-request.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mario-power-up.php Big Guy Mushroom - Makes you a big guy. Being bigger makes you more of a target. Avoid this power-up at all costs. Sat, 21 Jul 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mario-power-up.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/day-z-stories.php Day Z is a heck of a thing. With a unique emphasis on survival and the specter of permadeath constantly hanging over your head, a few minutes with this ARMA 2 mod can be more memorable than the entirety of a modern explosion-filled FPS campaign. Sat, 07 Jul 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/day-z-stories.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-changes.php As The Old Republic condenses its servers and considers moving toward a free-to-play model, I am going to humbly suggest two changes that would turn the entire game around. There would still be lots of little issues, of course, but these two things would get me to come back to the game for many months to come. Sat, 23 Jun 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-changes.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/e3-what-games.php Being told to "Move!" or "Run!" or "Hurry!" down a narrow path which must not be veered from. While all sorts of things happen around you. Things that look like they would be really fun to interact with, if you weren't so busy running and being yelled at. Sat, 09 Jun 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/e3-what-games.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sephiroth-final-fantasy.php Sephiroth comes from a machine mom. His mother is so dimly lit and full of rusty pipes that it makes him super sad. This, as far as I can tell, is the extent of his character. Sat, 26 May 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/sephiroth-final-fantasy.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/diablo-story-recap.php In which I recall the entire story of the Diablo series for your benefit, completely by memory. This will go well. Sat, 12 May 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/diablo-story-recap.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/walking-dead-review.php Sometimes you come to a chapter break in a book or a movie's end credits and you blink, remembering your surroundings. It's very rare for me to lose myself in a video game in such a way. It happened with Grim Fandango, Psychonauts, Portal, the Half-Life games, and now The Walking Dead. Sat, 28 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/walking-dead-review.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/crpg-enemy-skeleton.php We tend to get caught up with flavor of the month bad guys. Nazis. Zombies. Robots. Non-white people in deserts. From the very beginning, though, the unassuming skeleton man has been there for us. Sat, 14 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/crpg-enemy-skeleton.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/annoying-enemy-types.php There is a fine line between enemies that present a challenge and those that are simply annoying. Actually, that's a lie. The line is pretty wide. Think about the gap between our fantasies when we first heard about motion controls and the horrible reality that came to pass. It's that wide. Sat, 31 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/annoying-enemy-types.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/giant-bomb-sold.php While Giant Bomb's editors seem pretty optimistic their acquisition by CBSi, there are still a lot of doubtful people out there. For those fans, what follows is the worst case scenario. Sat, 17 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/giant-bomb-sold.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/assassins-creed-predictions.php Now we know that the inevitable Assassin's Creed III will be set in America during the Revolutionary War. I'll be there on day one with everyone else, but in the meantime how about some predictions? Sat, 03 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/assassins-creed-predictions.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/buy-vita-reasons.php Aside from some nice hardware and a software lineup that dutifully checks all the boxes in the portable PlayStation launch checklist, the pricey unit isn't exactly turning heads. So why would someone buy a Vita? Sat, 18 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/buy-vita-reasons.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-dumber.php Somewhere in the core of Mass Effect is the promise of a nuanced adventure in a detailed sci-fi universe. Unfortunately, that promise has largely been swept aside in codex entries and overheard NPC conversations as the series tightens its desperate embrace of big, dumb action movie conventions. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-dumber.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/amalur-reckoning-demo.php Kingdoms Of Amalur: Reckoning makes one hell of a weird first impression. If it was a dude introducing himself at a party, he would be wearing a silk dragon shirt, an inexplicable layer of dampness would cover his entire body, and the first words out of his mouth would be a quote from Stargate SG-1. Sat, 21 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/amalur-reckoning-demo.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-reward.php Doing the right thing is enough of a reward. Sometimes, however, you will find yourself quite surprised by the value that others place on your quietly heroic deeds. Sat, 07 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-reward.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/meanwhile-second-life.php Standing at a podium in a large conference room, his hands neatly folded before him, Bruce Willis patiently waits. The seats before him - once filled with virtual members of actual press outlets who had hailed Second Life as a blazing beacon of the future of human interaction and business - sit unoccupied. Sat, 24 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/meanwhile-second-life.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/superman-game-terrible.php Problem: Superman is almost impossible to kill. Solution: Everyone has Kryptonite weapons and also Superman just ate a whole Krytonite cheesecake at the Kryptonite Cheesecake Factory. Sat, 10 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/superman-game-terrible.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/skyrim-confident-bandits.php Listen, don't try my patience. You have armor made from the bones of dragons you've personally killed. Your sword was forged by the greatest blacksmith in the land. I, however, would surely prevail because I am adorned in fur armor. Sat, 26 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/skyrim-confident-bandits.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/modern-warfare-shocking.php I'm going to spoil the shit out of this. You should stop reading if you actually care about the 4 hour walk-forward-through-a-setpiece-explode-a-thon that is the single player campaign. Sat, 12 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/modern-warfare-shocking.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/world-warcraft-pandaren.php A lot of people seem to think that with the introduction of Pandaren as the next playable race, World Of Warcraft has become too ridiculous. Cries of "Blizzard jumped the shark this time!" and "Pandas just don't fit into the game!" have sprung up everywhere that people like to complain. Which means across the entire internet. Sat, 29 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/world-warcraft-pandaren.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/uncharted-treasure-fortune.php I'd like to suggest that the Naughty Dog team avoids the following treasures for their next game, as I really enjoy Uncharted and would hate to see it get even more stupid than the monster people and terrible final boss fights that have taken big smelly dumps on the first two games. Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/uncharted-treasure-fortune.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/orcs-must-die.php Having green skin is a capital offense in Georgia, which you would already know if you saw the finale of the Hulk television series. Why should this impact Orcs that live outside the state? As it turns out, a century old zoning error expanded Georgia's jurisdiction across all fictional realms. Sat, 01 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/orcs-must-die.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/patch-dead-island.php Sure, we accidentally released an old version of the game at launch, then asked everyone to re-download the whole thing only to realize that this time we had uploaded a DVD rip of Robocop 3. You, however, stood by us. Sat, 17 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/patch-dead-island.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/year-nintendo-mistakes.php People want to like Nintendo a lot, they really do. It's easy to pull for the plucky oddball responsible for many of your childhood memories. Nintendo, however, has a habit of being a complete asshole. Sat, 03 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/year-nintendo-mistakes.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/difficult-dungeon-game.php With sincere condolences to Dungeons Of Dredmor, I have created the most challenging and brilliant entry the roguelike genre has ever seen: Difficult Dungeon. Sat, 20 Aug 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/difficult-dungeon-game.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-collectors.php Although the game doesn't have an official release date yet, a special collector's edition of BioWare's Star Wars MMO became available for $150 in United States Dollars, or Freedom Bucks as they are known internationally. Sat, 23 Jul 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-collectors.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-infinite-tears.php Your companion in BioShock Infinite is Elizabeth, a young woman with a sweet haircut and the unique ability to interact with tears in reality. Previews have cited examples of this power such as pulling a wagon from another dimension into your own for cover and depositing crowds of sympathetic fighters near your enemies. Sat, 09 Jul 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-infinite-tears.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-free.php If people don't have to pay to get in, how will they know the value of a perfectly placed meatspin.gif tag? Sat, 25 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-free.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-feminism.php Duke Nukem Forever is a misunderstood masterpiece that you should never play. Thu, 16 Jun 2011 04:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-feminism.php