Sat, 04 Feb 2012 06:00:00 +0000 The cutting edge of video game articles. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/index.php en-us radium@somethingawful.com webmaster@somethingawful.com http://i.somethingawful.com/core/sa_logo_144.png http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/index.php 144 42 ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-dumber.php Somewhere in the core of Mass Effect is the promise of a nuanced adventure in a detailed sci-fi universe. Unfortunately, that promise has largely been swept aside in codex entries and overheard NPC conversations as the series tightens its desperate embrace of big, dumb action movie conventions. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/mass-effect-dumber.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/amalur-reckoning-demo.php Kingdoms Of Amalur: Reckoning makes one hell of a weird first impression. If it was a dude introducing himself at a party, he would be wearing a silk dragon shirt, an inexplicable layer of dampness would cover his entire body, and the first words out of his mouth would be a quote from Stargate SG-1. Sat, 21 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/amalur-reckoning-demo.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-reward.php Doing the right thing is enough of a reward. Sometimes, however, you will find yourself quite surprised by the value that others place on your quietly heroic deeds. Sat, 07 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-reward.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/meanwhile-second-life.php Standing at a podium in a large conference room, his hands neatly folded before him, Bruce Willis patiently waits. The seats before him - once filled with virtual members of actual press outlets who had hailed Second Life as a blazing beacon of the future of human interaction and business - sit unoccupied. Sat, 24 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/meanwhile-second-life.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/superman-game-terrible.php Problem: Superman is almost impossible to kill. Solution: Everyone has Kryptonite weapons and also Superman just ate a whole Krytonite cheesecake at the Kryptonite Cheesecake Factory. Sat, 10 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/superman-game-terrible.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/skyrim-confident-bandits.php Listen, don't try my patience. You have armor made from the bones of dragons you've personally killed. Your sword was forged by the greatest blacksmith in the land. I, however, would surely prevail because I am adorned in fur armor. Sat, 26 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/skyrim-confident-bandits.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/modern-warfare-shocking.php I'm going to spoil the shit out of this. You should stop reading if you actually care about the 4 hour walk-forward-through-a-setpiece-explode-a-thon that is the single player campaign. Sat, 12 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/modern-warfare-shocking.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/world-warcraft-pandaren.php A lot of people seem to think that with the introduction of Pandaren as the next playable race, World Of Warcraft has become too ridiculous. Cries of "Blizzard jumped the shark this time!" and "Pandas just don't fit into the game!" have sprung up everywhere that people like to complain. Which means across the entire internet. Sat, 29 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/world-warcraft-pandaren.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/uncharted-treasure-fortune.php I'd like to suggest that the Naughty Dog team avoids the following treasures for their next game, as I really enjoy Uncharted and would hate to see it get even more stupid than the monster people and terrible final boss fights that have taken big smelly dumps on the first two games. Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/uncharted-treasure-fortune.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/orcs-must-die.php Having green skin is a capital offense in Georgia, which you would already know if you saw the finale of the Hulk television series. Why should this impact Orcs that live outside the state? As it turns out, a century old zoning error expanded Georgia's jurisdiction across all fictional realms. Sat, 01 Oct 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/orcs-must-die.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/patch-dead-island.php Sure, we accidentally released an old version of the game at launch, then asked everyone to re-download the whole thing only to realize that this time we had uploaded a DVD rip of Robocop 3. You, however, stood by us. Sat, 17 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/patch-dead-island.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/year-nintendo-mistakes.php People want to like Nintendo a lot, they really do. It's easy to pull for the plucky oddball responsible for many of your childhood memories. Nintendo, however, has a habit of being a complete asshole. Sat, 03 Sep 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/year-nintendo-mistakes.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/difficult-dungeon-game.php With sincere condolences to Dungeons Of Dredmor, I have created the most challenging and brilliant entry the roguelike genre has ever seen: Difficult Dungeon. Sat, 20 Aug 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/difficult-dungeon-game.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-collectors.php Although the game doesn't have an official release date yet, a special collector's edition of BioWare's Star Wars MMO became available for $150 in United States Dollars, or Freedom Bucks as they are known internationally. Sat, 23 Jul 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/old-republic-collectors.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-infinite-tears.php Your companion in BioShock Infinite is Elizabeth, a young woman with a sweet haircut and the unique ability to interact with tears in reality. Previews have cited examples of this power such as pulling a wagon from another dimension into your own for cover and depositing crowds of sympathetic fighters near your enemies. Sat, 09 Jul 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bioshock-infinite-tears.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-free.php If people don't have to pay to get in, how will they know the value of a perfectly placed meatspin.gif tag? Sat, 25 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/team-fortress-free.php zackparsons@somethingawful.com (Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-feminism.php Duke Nukem Forever is a misunderstood masterpiece that you should never play. Thu, 16 Jun 2011 04:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-feminism.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/e3-microsoft-rails.php Woah! This game is awesome, Suzy! I can't believe that thing just happened, I've seriously never played this before! Let's try to get the mega-coin! Aw, we'll get it next time! Woah! This is fun! I love Kinect and the Microsoft experience! Facebook! Social media! Fist bump! Sat, 11 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/e3-microsoft-rails.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/la-noire-clue.php My partner has yet to solve a case, or shoot a suspect, or come up with a valuable clue. Mostly he's just good at telling me when to turn the car when I drive. Sat, 28 May 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/la-noire-clue.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/brink-review.php Brink has a ton of issues, from technical problems to design flaws to a limited amount of content. It's also the best team-based shooter since Team Fortress 2. Sat, 14 May 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/brink-review.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/playstation-network-outage.php Kevin Butler ran out of VHS tapes to record Dancing With The Stars, so in a moment of desperation he erased every hard drive on the PlayStation Network to make room. Totally worth it. Sat, 30 Apr 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/playstation-network-outage.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gears-war-beta.php The Gears Of War 3 beta has gone out to people who write about games and are marginally important, well known, or whose opinions are of some significance. In other words, I haven't played it. Sat, 16 Apr 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gears-war-beta.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/features-every-game.php Every game needs an obnoxious man that taunts you moments before he explodes in a mist of gore and wasted life. Sat, 02 Apr 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/features-every-game.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nintendo-3ds-launch.php The most remarkable aspect of the Nintendo 3DS isn't the fact that it plays games in 3D without requiring glasses, but that it will launch this week without a first party title that anyone can get excited about. Sat, 19 Mar 2011 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/nintendo-3ds-launch.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/downloadable-content-dlc.php Sometimes a boom mic is accidentally lowered into the frame of a movie, taking you out of the fiction. Video game DLC is like that boom mic if it had dipped into the center of the screen, cracked the camera lens, then been given lines of dialog along with a cgi mouth in post production. Sat, 05 Mar 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/downloadable-content-dlc.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bulletstorm-patch-notes.php Brought Steve Blum back in to record more lazy, extreme quips that are so over the top they know they're over the top, and therefore are immune to criticism. Look forward to catchphrases such as "see you later, clit nugget" and "your guts smell like abortion". Sat, 19 Feb 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bulletstorm-patch-notes.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/super-bowl-madden.php Bonus prediction before we start: This article's accuracy and resulting success will shame IGN into closing shop. Sat, 05 Feb 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/super-bowl-madden.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/hands-on-3ds.php The 3DS is essentially a Nintendo DS, but roughly three times as large, and made out of a sponge-like material. It features an analog stick (for non-digital games) and three new buttons below the bottom screen: Menu, Home, and Disable This Button. Sat, 22 Jan 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/hands-on-3ds.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/anticipated-games-2011.php People who write about video games are currently printing out the next few weeks' releases, double-checking to make sure there wasn't an error, then attempting to put the paper to good use by slicing it across their throats. Of course, no one will actually die, as any experienced neckbeard-paper-scissors player knows. Sat, 08 Jan 2011 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/anticipated-games-2011.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/cheap-game-descriptions.php What if you could take the best blurbs from cheap games and combine them to describe one title? I'd say the resulting game would be worth at least ten dollars, but you can decide for yourself. Sat, 25 Dec 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/cheap-game-descriptions.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/dragon-knight-saga.php Someone forgot to tell these guys to stop after making the action part of an action/RPG, so they went ahead and made one of the best RPGs of the year. Sat, 11 Dec 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/dragon-knight-saga.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gran-turismo-potter.php If Gran Turismo 5 was a good game, a collision between two cars wouldn't sound like the side of a plastic trash can being lightly tapped with a bongo. Sat, 27 Nov 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/gran-turismo-potter.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/kinect-sensor-launch.php The Kinect is finally here, and Microsoft's hands-free peripheral been getting everyone so excited about motion-based gaming that a few people momentarily remembered the Playstation Move. Sat, 13 Nov 2010 00:00:00 -0600 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/kinect-sensor-launch.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/easy-zelda-link.php Is Link's uncle just a helpful guy, or an enabler? Sat, 30 Oct 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/easy-zelda-link.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/ruining-games-1.php In the future, all gamers will be divided into two categories: Those who have an inflatable boat in their living room, and those who should kill themselves. Sat, 16 Oct 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/ruining-games-1.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/dead-rising-review.php Holding my daughter close, I tell her that she means the world to me, and that I will always protect her from the madness brewing outside. I am wearing superhero boots, overalls, and an oversized Blanka mask that covers my entire head. A bloody fireaxe rests in my hand. Sat, 02 Oct 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/dead-rising-review.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/adventure-games-greatest.php After fading into obscurity in the late 1990's, adventure games made a comeback in recent years and are poised to become more dominant than ever. In honor of this fine genre, I humbly submit my favorite adventure games of all time. Sat, 18 Sep 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/adventure-games-greatest.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/valve-three-surprises.php What surprises was Valve hinting at in the newest PC Gamer? I have some guesses that are uninformed, highly speculative, and sure to be completely wrong. Thankfully, those are the best kind. Sat, 04 Sep 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/valve-three-surprises.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fallout-vegas-hardcore.php If there's one thing video game players love, it's being badass, unstoppable gamelords that blow through every supposed "challenge" thrown their way in record time with a cocky grin on their Gamer Grub-encrusted mouths while weaker nerds toil in obscurity. Sat, 21 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/fallout-vegas-hardcore.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Batman) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/kinect-patent-microsoft.php We dig through Microsoft's patents for the Kinect and uncover a whole mess of previously unknown tidbits about this remarkable piece of technology. Sat, 07 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/kinect-patent-microsoft.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/red-dead-patch.php Fixed a bug which caused skinned/harvested animals to get up and whimper, following the player even after console resets, reloading of previous saves, or starting new games. Sat, 24 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/red-dead-patch.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/dragon-age-reaction.php The internet is only good for a handful of things, and one of them is ruining discussion through the use of hyperbole and emotionally driven leaps of logic. Take, for instance, the reaction to every other word from this week's press release announcing Dragon Age 2. Sat, 10 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/dragon-age-reaction.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/puzzle-agent-tethers.php Nelson Tethers: Puzzle Agent is the newest project from Telltale Games (Sam & Max episodes, Tales Of Monkey Island), promising to occupy a space between Professor Layton, Fargo and David Lynch. So, basically Doom with guns. Sat, 26 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/puzzle-agent-tethers.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/what-if-impact.php Scholars define history as "things and stuff happening and then time passes so we remember it". Makes sense to a thinking man, I suppose, but what do those lofty words mean for you and I? Sat, 12 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/what-if-impact.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/iwata-asks-mario.php In a regular feature for the company's website, president Satoru Iwata asks key Nintendo figures about the process of creating games and hardware. Today he sits down with Mario Galaxy 2 designer (and series creator) Shigeru Miyamoto. Sat, 29 May 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/iwata-asks-mario.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/alpha-protocol-choice.php Alpha Protocol is an upcoming spy RPG from some of the people who brought you Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic 2, Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines, Lionheart: Legacy Of The Crusader, and even some games that were mostly finished when they went on sale. Sat, 15 May 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/alpha-protocol-choice.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/arcade-intro-modern.php Everything you need to know before jumping into a game, in one screen of blocky and vaguely incorrect text. Sat, 01 May 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/arcade-intro-modern.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/xcom-2k-fallout.php The very silly news that 2K Marin is making X-COM into a "story-based" first person shooter that promises to be "immersive" and a "gripping narrative ride". Sat, 17 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/xcom-2k-fallout.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/reader-challenge.php Every two hundred years, readers of this feature will be given a chance to test their mettle and possibly be immortalized in the pantheon of digital warriors - masters of power ups and high scores and extra men. Sat, 03 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/reader-challenge.php ctstalker@somethingawful.com (Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell) http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bad-luck-company.php You fall behind by one point, and half your team switches to the winning side. Don't expect any reply but "cry more, n00b" when you ask to even things out. How they know you're actually crying in real life is a mystery. Sat, 20 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/bad-luck-company.php